Hello Reader, welcome to our co-written book.. 

You see, many writer trying so hard to write their next book, but they wrote everything out already, they need new experiences. we are so innocently discussing many things  (including the conversation of copy right …) we can just keep on discussing, not thinking about the readers…but keep the writings in a file…few weeks or months from now, we shall have so much to edit from…the beauty is the writing is so naked…no presumption…we need be total free to talk to each not talk to the readers…like some film makers use real people in their film… if we are totally free, this is going to be a book with high frequency… this is so much fun and mysterious…if you remember the first letter you wrote was “interesting, let us talk about it” in replying of my letter “ha ha…I don’t see why not…” well, I almost faint. first that was not sending to you but to the director regarding your case. second, you addressed me as a “sir”, I had to act as if I knew what was going on even though I was only one week older than you in the company….then, I had to let my inner God writing through me to communicate,…then, I was so happy to read the articles on your website….then, I realize that we are part of the cosmic teams…if I stay in New York, still in the art world, I might never get chance to connect with you… this has something to do with Ramtha sending us runners.We met in the market place…the love we are simply washing away the fear in the collective unconscious …people would come to us without knowing why…we reflect back to people what people truely are as the spiritual being. of course the journey of living as the spiritual being often started as being spiritual…is human wonderful?that is that. goodnight! We are the stars… The stars are us…we are from the stars …the stars are from us…             gazing into your eyes                To know is To love the stars, closer and brighter…moving toward me…spiraling, enchanting, one moment big, next moment small…  … a tiny star disappeared…it was big just a moment ago          another star dance to the same tune,                 …so silent…                To love is To live      …brighter, spiraling, big…small…tiny …gone… my past has gone,                      in silence                                    gone with the tiny bright…                To live is To know I am born…                           again                                       …as the star…

Sierpinski Triangle
Everything in Life is not only mass but it vibrates like a WAVE.

 I am proud of our book, you are right…this might be the first time people co-write a book from two different continent without meeting each other in person…ha ha …we are meet in such a spirited level that meeting in person become like the “costumes” meet each other. who is the imageless ones behind these human costumes in flesh form?I stand by your missions. one of my missions is just constantly connecting the grid in this world to the transformative grids… I understand your Robinhood spirit, I used to see myself as the saver Robinhood….we are all creating our realities, including the poor…the real proverty is not poor in money, the real proverty is the “Lacking consciousness” ( people want more and more because they are lacking inside )…True proverty is the spiritual ignorance. your website is doing a great job to eliminate that proverty. Some wisdom…. “If foodingredients would not solve our health problems we would havebeen already extinguished”if it truely solve our health problems, we would have been able to live as long as we choose to….It does… It is rediculous how little people seem to be interested in that. They seem to think that their governments are protecting them. But nothing is less true…I agree with you about the healthy-consciousness….healing is Alignment to the divine essence… “Discovery is seeing what everyone sees yet thinking what no one has thought.”(Albert Szent-Gyoergy Discoverer of Vitamin C)the elf applauds this one… The word impossible itself means I`m possible – Dr. Leo Rebello Wise is he who collects the wisdom of others the elf would like to replace the word “collects” with a different word, like under-stand…you see, there is a attitude difference between collect the wisdom of others and under-stand the wisdom of others…we can collect pearls with money, but the pearls from our own tears and sands are the wisdom that truely belong to us…do you like the word”under-stand” I think I must have some lifetimes as the jester in the court….risking my life to speak the truth to the rulers, not as a wiseman, but as a rediculous fool…guess which one works?The ridiculous fool, I think, my friend. The highest call of any doctor is to prevent what he heals.The kindest gesture of any friend is to share the gift of health. The gap between theory and practice in theory, is nowhere near as large as the gap between theory and practice in practice. you know why? the observers are less activated in practice for those who do not aware the power of  being the observer… Experience is not what happens to a human being. It is what a human being is doing with what happens to him. (Aldous Huxley) this is an enlightened one. Aldous Huxley is a famous writer. We are all victims of fraud in medical research this is fine, except I do not believe in victims…those who see themselves being victims would always be victimlized… what are we going to do with the fraud in medical research and the fraud in all research…including mass media, secret goverments etc?Will remove this – people are chosing indeed. Only if the last tree has been removed,The last stream has been poisoned,The last air has been polluted,Mankind will know that money is not eatable the ETs say that the most precious things are our DNAMaybe, but the rest of creation is having DNA too… Scientifical Discoveries are that easy that they can be formulated in a way anybody can understand. (Albert Einstein) 

Himalaya SaltThis morning I was bathing with my youngest daughter. I put Himalaya Crystal Salt into the bath. You must know that my youngest daugther has a vision problem. Not that it is important to let her see, it is important to learn her to live a joyful life.  This Himalaya Crystal Salt is 250.000.000 years old and so the crystals are perfect and they contain every mineral that we need to live, My oldest daughter wants to the Zoo (about 1 kilometer from here – she can already walk there) – so I will be out for another few ours. Words are the vibrations of nature. They represent frequencies. That is the reason why children can understand every language. The frequency of the words makes their water vibrate. Same words in different languages have the same frequencies. We learned our own language (I can actually read / write / speak 4 languages: Dutch, German, English and French – but that is from school) – if we can tune into the frequencies once again, then we can understand (hear) every language. You have to know how it is pronounced otherwise the frequencies are not OK.  That is why the ancient chants are so powerful! That is very right, my dear starseed. I already decided to connect to highest frequency: that of love & peace. There are some things that can help us to actually connect to that high frequency.  

For me there is no need to proof that all matter has a memory, although I succeeded to do this all matter, but you can do that for every matter because for that the same is true. At whatever border the light comes across, it creates a memory.
I know how I can listen to my inner voice which is the heart. It always tells you what is right. You are not your thinking, you are not your handling - that is your mind, your ego.
My daughter just awoke showing me the shell I bought for her at the market place. She is perfectly aware of the fact that it is a former house of an animal. The muscle is from Australia and it is a beautifull one. I told her when she listens to it she can hear the sea because the shell always remembers itself being in the sea.
Now she (Angelique - 3.5 years old) is asking whether we are going to do some shopping, but  I told her it is Sunday right now and the shops are closed. Then she wanted to go into the woods. She really loves nature and animals in particular. She is so neat to animals and also for her little sister Chantal (9 months).



Dance is the oldest language…sometime I wonder which one comes first…dance or music? perhaps both…all the other art form came much later—sculpture…theater…literature…painting…

actually by studying a baby, we might find perhaps music comes first…

When you look at a baby movement (dance) is always first - after that a baby starts to make noise (music)...

it is am 1:03 here, just get back from a good movie-Frida…about the Maxico woman painter Frida’s life. hearing Ram’s voice echoing in my mind” all human emotions are the same…”

I made a timeline shift by coming to the school. the actors and actresses are so good, of course it is because the director is good….there is something so comon about the human emotions…I can see myself lived many lifetime just like that, this one is so precious, I do not need to repeat what I did in a different timeline…this one is the last chapter of this part of the book of life.

my other world is calling me…I will write more tomorrow…

you are right about the baby has movement first..I thought they are crying first….crying is not pure vocal, crying is acompanied with the movement. when they are inside the womb, they can’t cry, only moving arround or kick mom’s belly….I used to give class by taking people to their baby state.

You talked about by radiant your energy to the whole planet while you dancing…yes, I love that part of dancing…everybody’s intention become so



Yes, you are right when they are born the first thing they do is crying. – Although I didn’t cry when I was born. They had to free my pathway to enable me to cry – I was born with my legs first – With 2 legs on the ground. – Not as my two daughters with the head first… My head was too big to fit in the place where it should have been with my little mother (1 meter 60cm)…

Me too. My mom had to be cut open to let me out…She always saying the I was in the “lotus position” and never turned my head down..

It is a sign that our brains are not very little... 😉

This morning I read the writings from both of us again….so beautiful. it is not just what comes out from our mind, it is also the trust and freedom we are expressing…So much radiance from the heart.

I was singing the whole time working in the garden…realizing many things that I did not understand before.

…as a dancer my “job” is to be beautiful, not just having a beautiful face, or a beautiful body, but being the beauty that every Dance is created for. however,… The choreographer in me is the writer, who creates the dance and the dancer, whose visions are beyong beauty/ugly….whose passion is to speak the truth in whatever language that is needed….most people would adore the dancer and not too sure about the choreographer…

once I was delivering the posters of my performances…people would ask me “is that you?” “Yes, this “ugly” woman created that beautiful woman…” How can I look good after rehearse intensely and given birth to my work?

Very often, after the performances, people would come to me saying “Oh, that is beautiful.” I would wonder whether they got the message or not. the message itself is beyond beauty….

Then in relationships, you are supposed to be beautiful…whatever voices come out from the writer become unapproperate….


these voices are the voices from our souls.

these voices do triger people’s perspective and beliefs…

these voices might never get heard from the newspaper…

they do get heard in silence.

the real beauty is truth…not the truth from the lips of others, but the living truth that shine brilliantly than those diamonds set on the empress’ crown.

writing to someone you haven’t met is much easier than writing to our dearest family members…is this world an illussion or not? 

Today it is very sunny here. My daughter is in hospital now. But the wind is blowing pretty strong - I know you are around with Ramtha....


Ram is with you. if you want to talk to him talk to the wind. I was talk to the wind for years before I come to school…actually many of my choreographic work are titled by the wind before I know anything about Ramtha…I always run and dance like the wind….How is Chantal? what did she experience in the hospital? Chantal feels like an India name. 

Everything went allright in the hospital, although  they did hurt her. I had the strong feeling that all of her emotions came out yesterday evening when she cried.
I have been surfing on the wind all the time. My surfboard is with my parent's home but I will use it after two years of not using it this summer...
Chantal is a little bit of French - I have the feeling it is from Chanter which means 'to Sing' in French. The name of my oldest daughter (born 28.10.1999) is clearer: Angelique which is French for 'Like an Angel'...
What it would mean in India I don't know - I can ask Leo Rebello which is a natural doctor and he became a personal friend of mine when he stayed for a few days with us in our home in January 2003...
Chantal may not be entering fully into this world but I think if it is given to us to have her enter fully then it will happen. If not we are happy to have her - she is really like the sun: Always smiling and laughing. Always happy. If you do not see so well you don't see the trouble too...


Chantal is also connect to the word “chant”, which is connect to “songs”. I was not fully entering this world until I was 9…before that nobody thought I would grow up. my mom’s nightmare was always about that she had lost me…I was not connected to other children in my age, they all thought that I was “stupid”, even I thought that I must be very “stupid”…I was fragil, ultra-sensitive, and not speaking…since no kids played with me, I was in the library a lot…one evening, my favorite teacher came to our house whispering with my parents…turnedout I was the champion girl of the writing competition…I did not even realize that was a competition…that was how “stupid” people and me thought about me…

after that from a very odd kid….I entered this world…I realize one morning dancing under the sun, wondering how come that I could not see from my back anymore….

With the knowledge I have now, I was out of my body constantly until I was 9 years old…

does she like music? some gentle classic music might help the wound she had from the other day…

So good to feel the music you like. Lots of love and magic to you and your whole family… 

Do you communicate with your DNA before you go to sleep? 

I thought of Chantal in the garden today…I feel you might already doing that-to communicate with her spirit in silence, asking what she like to be assisted?

Everything is consciousness and energy…from that knowingness, we shall not be limmitted by the collective unconsciousness. =-= 

It is beautiful, but keeping to your inner self - logged onto the highest energy I can really feel all the answers I need to know..


This is something that being human is about…to experience something that we might have answer from the our inner God… still we want ot experience life with a different quantumn perception…as if a film maker can use the camera zoom-in and zoom-out…zoom-in, for me is about entering life-streams…zoom-out is to be the whole quantumn field without -reincarnation…

since we are already enlightened in the whole field…whatever part of us feels un-enlightened is the part that wants the experiences…All lives are sacred… 

I think you are right and that is the reason why it is very hard to stay within the inner-peace field. Sometimes you fall out of it and there is nothing you can do about this - This is the experience in life from a different quantum perception...


Ram sometimes ask us-What is God? in the process of learning to develop the new neuronet, he would let us turn to our “neibor”to talk about it…then, he would ask “What is not God?”….

…I love the story of the golden box and forward to most of my friends…I do not remember whether I reply that one or not…I did replied by action…

about Aly’s seemingly fear-well, if I can see with my naked eyes that a green-skin reptalian come to me for assistance, my personality might got shocked as well…

we are not our body/personality…however the instinct part of  us still got shocked when encounter different lifeforms…

as artists/writers/performers…we often reveal the forbidden places in the collective human psychy where angels fear to tread. you see, many people would encounter their fear just by seeing a snake. I used to be like that, until one day I got a chance to hold a python. that is the sweetest “grandpa” creature I have ever “pet”…

yes, one of the reason why children’s feeling is true-because they do not need to be politically correct in the social consciousness. another reason is that they have no ideal about their self-image….

I am working in the garden for only half day…after 1:00pm I would be in the library writing to you again.

this is so divine to write like this.

oh, please don’t stop sending Bruce’s writing just because I express my elf’s voice.  often, I am not “politically correct”…never know what comes out of me in the next moment…since I was a child, I would experience those adults, troublesome faces for my unpredicbility…later, in life, I would encounter “goody people’s look”—-you know when people telling you that they don’t know what to do with you only means that they don’t know how to control you in those  nice boxes….

I like Bruce’s writing, he is another passionate individual…. Believe it or not, every human has multi-voices that are contradict to one another…to master oneself is also to master these voices.

we will not master these voices by keeping them hidden…we master them by hearing them. 

Vibrations of light are the universe

We are children of the sun
Who could have expected that communication in our bodies likely to be done by light. If you think of it as a gift from an higher power or not, we have measured that our bodies are illuminated from the inside! We are emitting lightwaves just like our old sun.
Surprising? I think not if you think of our drive to perfectness we tried to make a computer running on light. That was difficult. But nature is always one step ahead and created us communicating internally with light.
Our bodies contain an amount of photons that can be freed when you digest food or loaded onto our DNA's to read or write the DNA. Evoluated throughout the years I think nature has created something that must be protected against itself.
Look at Israel, Afganistan and other war-places in the world. Let's honour our created life and not destroy it!
If you do not think our beings consist of the same matter as the sun does, think of God as you like but do not tell anyone your God is better than his or her God. Religions are culture-related and there is no problem to follow most of them, but you might not use religion as an apology for making war or terrorism! 


This is so true and beautiful…religions and politics are from the same neuronets…I read from some website that the Rome Catholics actually supported Hitler’s dream…they all thought that they are in some kind of holy mission to save the world.

Holy is Whole…to cut part off rather than heal as a whole is not that “Wholly”… 

The eye-doctor told me that we should not have worries on here eye-sight. It all seems to be normal. Point is that she has an unkown reason for not being developped like other children. That is the reason why she is really saying 'Mamma' 'Pappa' at nine months! It shows she has found a different way of developping.
We are the vibrations of the universe - beautiful vibrations create beautiful visions.  It can be relocated in the direction of light - in essence everything is light and is built up with it.


There is much more to communicate…the best communication is from heart to heart, soul to soul with CLEAR INTENTION. YES – in your heart there is your consciousness. 

This morning I was lying in my bath and I found out the proof why water has a memory of its own, just like everything else. Once a ray of light touches the surface of the water what happens? It bends its way. Why? Because the speed of the light in the water is lower than in the medium air. What happens to the energy which is "lost" ? It cannot be lost so it goes into the inner dimensions of water. This is its memory....

I said the samething in different time…writers do think, and the process of thinking often sprout from the non-thinking.—-again you see, the pearls of wisdom is from the sands and the tears…many people like to display the pearls from others and not dealing with the process of their tears and sands…imitation is the best flattering…however imitation is not original because it does not have its own integal process. 

Time is only created in the neighbourhood of big bodies like earth or the sun. It is the logical flowout of the gravitational field - only there it exists - Only on places where the big bodies are not having any influence there is absolutely nothing... But I have the feeling that those places do not exist....


Time is an illusion…if we can bio-located eventually, this just shows that we are not our bodies…our mind can be as vast as the quantum field, or as small as the personalities… 

Zero to the power of zero makes ONE
Zero divided by zero makes consiousness - turned 8 

For me Zero is the void, when the void has “a point” that is no more the void, but the first creation. 

Ramtha taught us about the void-one vast nothing materially, all things potentially.  

Illusion (11 October 2001)

The difference between the moment, past and future is an illusion. But it is a stuborn one. Just like Einstein Stephen Hawking struggels with this problem: "Why do we remember the past and not the future?" I think the moment is there where the future goes into the past. The question remains why some people (as Nostradamus) think they can "remember" the future. If that was the case the future would be fixed and could not be manipulated. There is a word for that: predestination. In Dutch we know a saying: "Who is born for 10 cents will never be 25 cents."
The other way around we can ask the question: "If the future can not be manipulated, why can't the past be manipulated anymore?" You can imagine a safety system where every pilot has a chip under his skin communicating with the plane and looking if the pilot is still alive. As soons as the communications is down the plane will be incontrollable and the automatic pilot will return the plane to nearest airport. This will be reversibly introduced at 01/01/01. On september 11th that same year it will avoid large disasters. Personally you could go with your natural substances against cancer to the moment where your grandfather could be helped in a way he could have lived by now. If that should work, a large amount of people of the future could go back to us. No, you can only go back in your mind. Our mind can go back to worthful moments in the past. But the thing we should do more is looking forward to a good future.
A stock-falldown is a good example of a moment on which anybody thinks: "It goes bad." Does it surprise us that actually it goes bad and the stock&share fall down? 
Events of the past can also turn on to hate. We have to do something on the reasons of the hate
But if the "opposition rich-poor and our freedom suppresses the freedom of other people" is predestinated in a way we can't do anything about it. I think that is an illusion. 

this is beautifully written. the observer in the quantum is the law-maker! 

past and future belong to time-time is an illusion…

Now-is the only reality, it is no-time. all things belong to time shall pass away…

we can choose to be the quantumn field, or to be one tiny time-line…

from point A to point B…. 

I thought in the quantum field there is no past and future…past and future only exist in the liner time…what do you think? Dreams are our multi-demensional awareness ” translates into this personality”…this is what I thought…again, in the quantum field, all perceptions and all theories work as “right” as they are born to be… I am so happy this sharing develops so magically. this is just a beginning…like what Alex Collier often told his audience “please ask me question for I have no idea how much I know….” Many writers get self-conscious when they begin to write another new book…we are blessed by the power of innocence…as long we are writing from the part o us that is not limmitted to our personalities…we have infinite stories to share…

…because this is also a dream…everything is a dream…all dreams can be dreamed away…there are dreams within dreams…     That cannot be dreamed away is what Buddha ( and the Buddha in us all )  has lived  from No-Beginning to No -End…..Yahoo! Tax Center – File online, calculators, forms, and more 

You create these from your thoughts/feelings/desire…if you can create this, you can also create something else. the way we write to each other is also co-creates by our consciousness and energy. in school we are very alert to observe what we have created in our life. This morning when I work in the garden I was observing my thoughts….realizing how we create our realities in each moment. 

How light vibrations let matter remember...


I finished reading 'The Field' - it was the most complete experience I had every reading a book. The way it is written is very comprehensive.
This link tells the Zero Point Field exists, although the website itself does not have an explanation:


wow! I have to read this again. 

 I was there in NYC on 911…I was floating into the ballet class realizing the world was shockingly shattered…people said that they could not believe “who did what”…well, I was not surprised at all, as if a part of me already experienced that….so when people were moaning I was floating into many meeting rooms of many “opposite side”….just be there.

there was a part of me celebrating something I did not understand as an incarnated person…as if I KNEW some picture much bigger…I just could not join into any conversation..I will never be politically correct….I did not trust the Medias…I have no opinions…I just danced a lot…seeing myself as part of the spiraling votex…move from one plane to another…with all those who left their bodies…I left with them…

then I told them collectively… “well, let me live for you….let me fulfill the dreams you want to complete.” soon after that I moved out of my “home”-the New York City, accross the land…live close to the school of Ancient Wisdom…

I still feel them from time to time…oh, there were so much to tell during those time..

I might tell you another time.

I am going to sleep soon. tomorrow I am leaving in the early morning, will write again after April 20…

listen to the wind…we shall talk… 

Maybe a little spooky, but when you have read 'the Field' it is very well possible that the attacks influenced the Zero Point Field. The Zero Point Field is the 'global consciousness' which contains holographic and Fourrier data created by all minds together. If we are able to put enough positive energy in it so people around the world can tap the positive Energy from it we may be able to create a much better place. Our brains act like an optical computer - disturbance is hardly possible when it is powered by enough Aminoacids, Vitamins and Minerals as we all know. Part of the consciousness does not locate within the brain itself but is able to even influence other instances like the Eggs of princeton University.


Great book from Lynne McTaggert, we must be grateful for this masterpiece.

According Masaru Emoto Water actually has a memory just like everything in the universe because it is all vibrations at work….Only our outer shell seems to be hard, but it is also more emptyness than you can imagine… 

the light should not be hide understand the bed–is Jesus  said something like this? 

You know that there are people that tell us that the think the c in E=m.c.c IS consiousness (Dutch: Bewustzijn - What I can tell you about the Dutch version of the word: it is actually more beautiful than the English version. conscious = bewust; to be = zijn. It is literally said: conscious-being) - I think they are right. Light is consciousness. When it touches a surface miracles will happen. Our holographic illusions can indeed be anywhere at the same time. That is the beautiful thing that quantum mechanics are predicting. I once held a speech 'How to be in two places at one time' - I am sure there were a lot of my school-mates not understanding the power of it, but it is actually possible.
It was the weakest point of Einstein who didn't believe in Quantum Mechanics. He said: "I cannot believe that God would play dice with the universe." It says to me he was afraid of the thought about it that something would break down... But that ain't true. Our spirits never die, actually they are the light in us. That is why we can tell when asked how old we are: "We are from before the beginning and after the ending"
Your mind is free to see what it wants to see and that is very important to know.
The last few months I developped spiritually enormously. I managed to heal myself. One reason of becoming manic in 1988 was the Spiritism. I got into the spiritual thing as being afraid of and to stay away from that. But being a spiritual being (a holographic illusion) it is very important that you manage to handle that enormous source of light in yourself which tends to be called our soul....


this is such a good sharing…

which daughter is the one with eyes-adventure? our words have power…I am not using the word disadventage…

you are such a brilliant being…

yes, I will tell you again that you are a brilliant being and of course so am I… years ago I was in a workshop..that is about owning the truth…for example when people give us true appreciation, rather than saying– no, we are not…in the workshop we were to look right into people’s eyes saying ” thank you, you are absolutely right!” that is a fun experience.

so I am absolutely right that you are a brilliant being. 

The proof of the fact that water has a memory (just like every other substance) is the following:
When a ray of light travels through air it has a speed of around 300,000 km/s
As soon as the ray of light reaches a surface of water then there are 2 possibilities:
Below a certain angle: water reflects - I assume this is not what the water remembers.
Above a certain angle: water bends the ray of light. Why?
Just because the speed of light in water is LOWER than 300,000 km/s (assumingly around 200,000 km/s)
This 'loss' of energy will be stored in the inner dimensions of this spiritual liquid. This is what the water can 'remember' itself.
When the angle of entry is 90 degrees, then the ray of light is only slowed down, not bended. This is also something the water remembers itself.


Because the speed of light is lower in all substances, all substances have a certain kind of memory. For us the memory of water is the most important because we consist of 80-90% of this beautiful liquid of life.


What I am very curious at is the reaction in crystals from water on the AUM-sign.


Our DNA – the wonder

it is a blessing to have 4000-5000 baby-plants pass through your hand in a day…I saw a baby earth-worm the first time in my life.

there are so many baby hourses, baby cows…baby lamhas..baby sheeps…baby goats…

how can I miss something that is in me? 

It is a knowledge that people who are dealing with (baby)plants stay younger because they can tune into the frequencies that come from the plants. The same is true for people having children. When somebody is pregnant, an enormous source of light is developping in her tummy - as you might have read in 'The Field' of Lynne McTaggert.



It must sound beautiful in Dutch. translating is really an art…I am a different person while writing in English vs writing in Chinese…the neurote inside the brain just hook up differently.  

What I remember myself very well is the fact that I refused to eat a lot of things in the past as a child. My parents were really desperate with what to do and in the end they had my tonsils removed...
Maybe I felt as a child, that you can actually be fed by the energy of the universe to stay healthy...
Now I stopped eating meat for a while (maybe I stay with that) because a therapist told me my neckmuscles could not be released easily and I should give my liver some rest... I really feel an enormous power coming up by eating only biological bread, fruits and vegetables...


I was an vegetarian for years…then, I realize that something was not right with me. I become ultra sensitive, I could smell people’s food, drink, activities in the subway and on the street, wherever I went, I felt this overwhelming densities in the human world…I did not want to talk to people, I was alone most of the time…then I said to myself: you are not loving these human, in fact you dispite them and seperate yourself from this world…in the mean time I notice many of my friends ate everything and so loving, and caring…they can relate to so many people in such a deep level, I could not even function in this world…I just could not “stand” the densities…I was sick and unhappy…

then I begin to eat meat…in the very beginning my bone and muscle hurt…then as is I adjust the frequency, I could relate to people…

then I came to school. Ramtha told us it is not what you eat…it is what you think…he just blow away many of our spiritual dogmas and cruches (beliefs)…

now I am a much happy peoson, I can even go to the internet MONEY COMPANY to make known the unknown…that is where I met you.  

back to the subject of eating…I would say “NO OPINIONS”   ha ha…

by the way I also did not eat as a kid…my parents would use both tempting and threating for me to take food…I remember how happy they were when I did eat…to make them happy, I would ate more…

when I was a kid…I was just not hungry…I did not even ate veges, all I arte was fruits…though I was sick…my mom’s nightmare was all about I died…perhaps I did many times already… 

You might want to teach me some chinese because I always admire your shortness of words. I think it is the ancient language that has grown so efficient that it might include algorithms to compress words and feelings. Of course you are right that the neurote inside the brains are just hooked up differently. In fact even water can read! Do you know the work of Masaru Emoto? He has pictured this on the chrystals of water which has read or heard some information


Ancient Chinese poem is the shorter the better…sometime only less than 20 words speak out the eternal truth…less is more… in Chinese we do not have tense…that means every statement is in the eternal now…than we use tomorrow, or 10 years ago to express the liner timeline…DAG! my friend Stephany taught me this. she said it means hello, and goodbye. her first husband was a Dutch and she had lived in Netherlands for two years. so good to know that you do not mind my boldness. this is such a friendship, I started to wrote to you as a “Sir” to respond you business request… 

inside our DNA, we have all these coding of knowledge, the “junk DNA” part is actually the ascension DNA…to understand the conflict within these cellular memories is to desolve the WAR within…these outer ones is just a reflection of the inner ones…

That is why all kind of ET group liked to do some DNA control for the earthling to keep these earth human in “place”…according to Alex COllier’s live encounters with the Andromedan, one of his teacher told him that the earth human have the DNA from 22 races of ETs. the ancient words SIN actually means genetic deformation.  

(Well, these are the moments I wish that I could write better English…)

You are learning English from this writing too, just like I do because it is not my mother’s language either…

It is so beautiful to work like this. my friends working / owing in a nursery ( the garden for baby plants). now is the beginning of the busy season. I am working on call.

it is such a sacred feeling to touch the roots of these baby plants, transplanting them into bigger pots, sometimes we work in the rain, sometimes under the sun…

after a whole day like this, you just feel soooo happy.

this is true wealth.

I am going to my night discipline now.

the earthly time here is 9:38 pm. 

just got up, connected to the world peace energy field by meditation, and started my day. I am up early 6.00 am - because the days are starting to grow longer again right now here..


After such a full day you have picked up a lot of energy from young plants. They are just like children!


I used to walk in the central park for hours just to pretend that I was walking in the woods. now, I live in a woods. sometime I feel that I might just open my eyes after my disciplines by the lake or in the wood…then realize that hundred years already passed…

I do want to write you something about the copy right. for example…someone’s insights in not someone else’s insights…people like to take the expression they like to become their own. I am a dancer my whole life…there is no copy right when people trying to copy your style, or making choreogrephic statement like yours…it become an sensitive spot in my awareness. I do not take other people’s feather as my own. when I print my news letters, I always acknowledge the source of the inspiration. in the meantime seeing people crazy about my expressions and make beliefs that were theirs…it is funny. 

In fact all our inspirations come from the very same quantum field. So it is not strange people think you steal their ideas because they have access more or less to the same information.
You Chinese are wise: When you have no tense in your language - you might be aware that a tense is an illusion...
Now you realize if you say you are 31 years old, you are living in time, ascended masters live in no time. they know that their words and thoughts are powerful...and they will not re-inforce a reality that is not for the true SELF.
Everyone wants to get old, but nobody wants to be old..

you know Ram told that the ascended masters are ageless. they can take a body of old or young depend on the circumstand. I used to tell people my age is from 9 to 99, whatever number made people feel comfortable…now I have 0-00000000000000000

Tomorrow I am off to Ell to have another course day in the course ‘knowing yourself’

also feel free to correct those sentences are not right. have a great time for your course. I can feel the energy already. tonight I will spend time with Ram. when we talk again, it is another new timeline.

Maybe you are not ascended in the linear time of your personality, but you are in the quantumn field- eternal Now.

The woman where I was today (for the course) is translating the KNOWLEDGE BOOK into Dutch. This book tells us about 76 dimensions… I think in our book we should tell the story that dimensions are only illusions to keep perceptions on the world that you are seeing. There are an infinite amount of dimensions so there are an infinite amount of myselves present in the quantum field – just like there are infinite yours…

Dimensions are just as big an illusion as is time as is life… They are only there to make life perceptable

How many color there is in the universe?


Now you know our DNA can actually pick up the vibrations and produce them themselves. Cells are even able to receive and send light. People trying to make a computer that works on light? We are already operated by light.
Is it the DNA that is connected to the inner dimensions of the universe? I think so...


I know that the coral calcium is also activates a part of the brain that is awakening now…the website does not say this. they are still talking to the main stream mentality in the USA. however I got this information from Ramtha. I am a student of the school of ancient wisdom. many people in school are using this product getting good results, I just sign up have not receive the product yet. my inner knowingness feels this is something I do like to put my energy into it.

That is why all kind of ET group liked to do some DNA control for the earthling to keep these earth human in “place”…

according to Alex COllier’s live encounters with the Andromedan, one of his teacher told him that the earth human have the DNA from 42 or 44 races of ETs. the ancient words SIN actually means genetic deformation. 

This whitepowdergold is underway to my humble home. Being sent from the US. Interesting to hear. I am always a little bit careful with Calcium. You must know that we are the most-milk-drinking people in the world and we have the highest percentage of osteoporoses. Why? The balance between Calcium and Magnesium is not right in our milk. There are also other things in milk that are not right. It is there for making very big cows from very little cows.  But that is milk.
Of course there might be ways of calcium which are OK - I don't doubt that
I have a neighbour suffering from diabetes. Doctors didn't give a single cent for her life. I have given her such a sticker and she rubs  the water onto her kidneys and pancreas. She now has te feeling she will be healing! It is really great what you can do with it. The information comes from a friend of mine, running the center for inner peace in the Netherlands.


thank you. this makes so much sense because the frequency…of course MIND OVER MATTER. still matter and energy are one… 

I have read 'Quantum Healing' by Deepak Chopra about that
Everything is vibrating in our world and getting water into the highest frequency just requires an AUM symbol to be put on this.
Ama-te-ra-su-oo-mi-ka-mi Light
 Reaching higher frequencies may also be reached to put in a little frequency shift in - This is what Fourier told us: Every signal can be written as a sum of pure sinus & cosinus waves.
Frequencies are great to encounter.
Water is the message-bearer
Salt is the message.

Civilization – the star seeds

more insights–the Child is in us all, the 7th heaven is the 7th seal…and the Gods represents different star civilization…all of these star civilization and knowledge is in the part of DNA called junk DNA, or ghost DNA…connected to the anti-matter.

Niburu–according to the Andromeda, is the cross breed between two powerful star-empire… They have been war against each other for a long time… Finaly they have to create a political marriage between the reptalian in Sirus B and Orion.. Niburu means cross breed from two “noble bloodline”… I wonder why they are kind of disfunctional… that off-spring is the Annunaki in Summeria’s records…

All people are starseeds… One shall know oneself when the forgotten Gods within finally wake up.

Divine Mother…Divine Prence…the veiled Virgin/mother/crone/ goddess is the deepest knowingness in every child….behind every image is a perception…behind every perception is the magic of how our neurotes are weaved…we are the weavers…we weave ourselves into realities…

That is why masters through out the mankind history telling us that the image world is an illusion… Yet, denying the images is denying the manifestation…

Worshiping the image is worshiping the illusion…because the one create the image is the imageless… Worship Buddha or worship Jesus is actually betray the Buddha or the Christ… For Buddha did not want people to be a buddist, but Buddha… Jesus did not want people to become the Christian, but be the Christ…

this might be the reason why in the Ancient –when people performed the Shiva worshiping ritual would break the image of Shiva in the end of the ritual…for Shiva is not that image…that image is just an expression frozen in time /space for the convinence of the human brain to have something to focus upon…

This is really not about right or wrong…in the quantum field…all the opposite of “right” is “all right”….ALRIGHT.

I used to focus on the Divine image before the curtain time of my performances… that was really powerful…especially the image of Divine Mother…then, people began to worship me, or put judgement on me when I “disappointed” them…I understand the power of focus on the divine image through person experience. 

Then I come to school, learning a great deal of the imageless behind the images… Then, when people attach to the imageless, the imageless become an image…all attachment is based on the image, including the righteousness… ideals, and perfection…

This is something made myself extremely silent especially when I was in the Spiritual society…there is so much “holy shit” in those gatherings…I think it is because people begin to attach to an image of the “goodness”

This is really like your writing about the no-war is already creating the War…

These are the thoughts come to the surface when reading this email.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against what he is saying…I am just seeing the architect of these thoughts…one great building in the quantum field…that building is not the entire quantum field…to me, the quantum field is the “bigger God”…ha ha …. 

The thing about Jesus and Buddha is perfectly right. I had a dream in 1988 and it repeated itself in 2002, exactly 14 years after. That dream told me I was to better this world (this illusion) This was planted in my brains: The Jesus After Return Knocking On (=Tjarko) and the fact that somebody black was going to make me rich to enable me to save this world. I really had no idea on how to do this, but it seemed to be flowing all alone. My website might be more valuable for mankind than I ever could imagine... Everyone is God or Jesus - it is the inner voice of your heart - but only a few remember...


You are already rich in this eternal NOW…not in someday…the God in that someone black is the same God that is in you…in oneness and in this eternal we are creating our realities. personally I do not believe in the Savior…we are the light to the world because we remember…your website and your growth is already serving the world…

Save? I never like people to save me-you know how many people in my life tried to “save” me because they “concern” about my happiness in this world. They are so boring to the realities I am in. I just want them to leave me alone…no body want to be saved…people need to grow within to find out the God within…in the journey of growing within, we offten meet those who trying to save us.

I prefer to see you as an inspiration, rather than a savior…that is too religious for me. hope you do not mind my boldness-again, I learn this from being in New York. people thought that New Yorkers are so bold…actually New Yorkers are often brutally honest…

the path to Hell is paved with good intention…may our love for the humanity truly inspire people to wake up from the ignorance. savior often enable people to be ignorant….again this is just another perception…

I used to think that I will save the world, finally I realize that I really do not like those people in my life trying to save me…and I do not need repeat the same dance-step for others to follow…

however, I agree with you about your website. I love your website too. 

Everyone is at a different state on their way to Nirvana.


In the summer night, often I sleep under the stary nights...seeing the stars, shooting stars, sattelite, and spaceships...there are so much activities in the sky. if you focus on one particular star sometimes that star begin to moving toward you...and just the moment you wonder what happened...then, everything back to "normal" again.

About Alloya: http://www.alloya.com/

She wrote a lot about the journey of starseeds… Of course that is her visions and interpretations…Sometime I feel the writing is a little too long, however she write beautifully about what she sees…That is a fun website to spend time with.


Well, we are not supposed to talk about it is because the neurote communication. that is why people can direct listen to his tape. by the way…he is old, he is 35,000 years old.

What surprised me about Ramtha is the fact that you are not supposed to talk about this and he is selling his teachings also via CD’s – I have seen that. I will have to wait until I have some money to order some, because I think they are very helpful.

I used to laugh when I listened to his tapes years ago in New York…not knowing one day I will leave everything behind just for his teaching…

he has special way of puting words together to rearange the neurotes in our mind to perceive the hollograph…and the essence of the thoughts form…the reason we suppose not to talk about is because the way we use our language often mis-lead to the intellectual concepts. his teaching is not just phylosophy..he send runners to us. runner means experiences through people, place, time, things , event, and break away from all of these….

By the way I will be in a long retreat from April 10 to April 20…it is for the Ramtha School of Ancient Wisdom…one of the group I am in is the Blue College. we were initiated by blindfolded for days to find our own tents, own food, drink…blindfolded to find bathroom…and blindfolded to walk through the woods finding our individual tent. it is totally a training of mind over matter. the first time when I was able to find my own tent blindfolded, I was so much in love with my inner God…the joy passing through me was undescribable. you did not know days or nights ( yes, blindfolded, and duck-tapped…ha ha…if you took your blind off you are out off Blue College…) then, there was a moment, we were to remove our blindfold entering this world…I was crying…I did not want to remove my blindfold, for I see much clear with my blindfold on…I was in such high-frequency realities. Now I am looking forward to this retreat again…next Fri. Yeah!!! there moments we just want to get over with the disciplines…however as soon as we break through, there is a now horizon…before break through, it is always the fear of breaking down…as a dancer, my whole life is nurtured by disciplines. I would not give up my career for something less fulfiling to my soul…

Interesting to be blindfolded and then find yourself so comfortable with that. My youngest daughter may have a vision problem. I tried to imagine what it would be like seeing bad or virtually nothing. We are so used to seeing that we can hardly get rid of that ability.
What I also thought is that she might never see the cruelties in the world. It might make her a very happy person - like she is.


My wife now thinks sometimes she sees us when we laugh at her. I have the feeling she is not seeing that, but only her water is changed by us laughing at her so she feels comfortable and starts to laugh herself. From April 14 - 18 she will be in hospital to have her examined what really matters her.
I think it is a great experience to live blindfolded for 10 days... I wish you much of pleasure with this new experience.

Tell me more about the Hiper space. I am reading the book – Hunt for Point Zero…It is required for this coming retreat.

Yes, I am reading that book “The Field” as well. I learned a lot from her website. You know you can heal your daughter by communicating with her with your inner God to God…then, in your mind eye seeing her happy in life. Ram talked about the soul’s journey…and blue-body healing…blue-body healing need to be initiated by Ramtha…however you can get the CDs of his teachings through the website. the ones might help are:

1) soul 101

2) Plane of Bliss

of course there is much more…

He talks about the each soul design the next lifetime in the plane of bliss…We choose our genetic “costumes” for the sake of finishing the un-owned wisdom… We suppose not to talk about these because people need to learn the first lesson directly form the enlighten master for the neuronets imprints…You and your daughter can have healing together. I will also put her in my healing thought if this is ok with you. Some soul choose not to depend too much on the senses ( the 5 senses) so they can have their book of life  (soul’s journey) complete. as an enlightened being, we then free from all these restricked timeline…and create our own timelines by align the God within. The Hiper Space are more like theories. Maybe a good book to read for you to read is: The Field by Lynne McTaggert. 

Time & Space & Galaxies…This remind me one of my soul-brother’s “ring”. we were lover then, and love is eternal… he used to tell me that he had a ring in his left hand ring finger-it was a “suffer-ring”…( suffering ) I would show him my ring finger saying :”only wise one can see this ring. this is an “offer-ring”  ( offering )

There are many rescuers coming from the inner dimensions of our universe.


wow, is that amazing that we can talk about the real things like this. my time here is almost 6:00 pm what is your time. Well, what time are we talk about. there is really NO-TIME. 

You are right about that - I was still caught in my past-present-future idea.
Time is an illusion - that is absolutely true. Just because everything is happening at the same time in the same quantum field. Remember the story about DNA on my website? Actually our DNA is the interconnection - it has the memory of its own, built by the light, using light as a communication means. That light is the energy which is everywhere. Actually it is also nothing following by the formula Zero to the power of Zero is One.
The relativity of time is the proof that time is an illusion. I read a Dutch book about this 'Wat is Tijd?' by Ir. Jaap Korbee. This is actually a good telling about time. We being the stars and the people at the same time is just prooving Quantum Mechanics. The question whether light is a wave or a particle - QM does predict that it can be the same at the same time.
Go to the park and sit down on a bank next a woman who is saying nothing... Time will pass very slowly and it seems to be very long. Now I am sitting in that same park, next to you and we are communicating - Time flies!
This is what Einstein also accepted as a proof that time is relative... - Now we know from Quantum Mechanics that time is an illusion.
What I always try when somebody sends me a letter to join something is to write to the originator - Mostly you get a bounce and when you get a bounce you know that the person is not sincere and only sending SPAM to you....
You were different and right from the beginning I liked the omniparticle saying and I felt that this would be someone that I should write to...


All timelines in the quantum field only exist in the Now…simuteneously.

Looking at digital clocks – I always encounter these minutes – Alloya

is telling in her book about timeline synchronization by the Zeta – It

has to do with 11.11 – on a digital clock.. Yes.now I understand…I always catch the time as 11:11, or 12:12, or seeing numbers like 111, 101, 011, 11.11.111…somthing like that…realizing this “time” has no power over me…we are agelessly free…lucky enough that I did not have too much rational mind because the way I grew up people thought that I might be stupid…ha ha…

When you are back I will be in my other world... Dreaming myself alive in paradise...

Our “job” is to bring them back to this world and weaving in and out from dimensions to dimensions

That is what I mean: by having 0% of our brains doing this job - we are already doing this job - it goes automatically. This morning at 5.30 am the beeper went - little problem at my work's place - so I am already at my job's place now..

Ram taught us that the part of the brain doing this job is the mid-brain…because there is no neuronet in the mid-brain so we might think that is doing nothing…the mid-brain is the part of the brain tracking our out of body activities…those masters who can free travel from dimension to dimensions are the masters who also mastered their abilities to move from different part of the brain to another.

Do you know that RAmtha is Lord of the Wind? In the mini teachings on his website he talked about how he acsended and turned into the Wind…in the Lagacy teaching, he is teaching us a great deal of these kinds of knowledge from the cosmic mind… As beginners we thought we would just “Aum” all day long…turned out a master-teacher really know what he is doing… There are so much we are evolved to know…

my feeling about the supernove and the Gamma ray are actually interdimensional shift from one to another…just like when we ascend the frequency of our body is raised into a place that people can not see us from their physical eyes…Once there was a healer in a session of healing my old injery (as a dancer, injury is “normal”)…she was guiding me to a place that the human personality felt wounded, and she wanted to release that for me…in stead of following what I “supposed” to do…I turned into a gallexy…rolling my head in ecstasy…and I could not stop rolling my neck and head…she was fricking out, trying to do her best to bring me “back” Many healers had “these kind of challenges” with my un-controlable reaction. I think one of the reason is that I am not “conditioned” into human’s behaviors… When I keep on rolling my neck and head..I knew I would heal myself just by setting the Star/gallexy/ vastness in me free, instead the healers often wanted to do what they thought being “right”… I must go. Lots of magics to you. 

Dream and the art of dream are things Ram taught in great depth. he taught about how the catterpillow dreamed into buttetfly…or how nature letting go of their bounteous glory… in the autumn, how trees letting go their leaves…they sleep in the winter dream the dream of spring with even more bounteous love and life experiences…

…A rose in the winter never attach to the summer it was but to dream with its full strength for spring it shall be…

these are all extremely profound teachings….

as a little girl, I was extremely sick, almost impossible to be a professional dancer…the dreamer in me just know that one day I would be a great dancer…of course I was not just dreamimg, I did take a lot of disciplines…consciousness and energy create the nature of reality…


Back to business, about FCC… They are my “first school” on the internet…I put a lot of energy into it…however, I heard someone told me that if a company already had millions of members…it is hard for the late comers to make money…they are highly against the MLM system…I was truely enchanted by their ideals in the beginning… then I realize that just some marketing way of gethering members…

attitude is everything…if you just want free course and marketing letters, you can click the link…that is my website with a different name…you can click “join-in”…then the company will give me notice to send you traing and marketing letters…

I do not care about their marketing…and did a lot editing…even though they want you do EXACTLY WHAT THEY TELL YOU TO DO TO PROMISE SUCCESS…my conscience just do not want to lie…when I realize that I have to send out letters telling people that I already made 10,000.00 dollars a month…that was sick…and I delete those statements…oh, that was quite a journey…for example…they use the word “TRUST ME”…I just change it into “trust yourself”…

so in a way they can say the reason I did not make money yet is because I am not doing exactly what I “suppose” to do…

no, we make the world a different place by living the truth…then when I get involved with 28 DAYWEALTH, become a good friend of one of the senior director…he told me that he knew the people run that company…everybody knows everybody in that world…he is also a member, and get a $10.00 dollars check once for a while…

I have not even get a $10.00 check yet…to put things into perspective is like what Ram taught us TO MAKE KNOWN THE UNKNOWN…so I did put myself in it to find out…

they love to paint the best picture about having feast all the time then, turn arround to tell you there is no pie in the sky…

there is still some potential of that company if I want ot up-grade into gold member to custmerlize my store…then it takes different energy and focus…

maybe you can give me your insights…

that is that…

their marketing letters do work, but are sooooooooo manapulative…I took out the worse part, and put spiritual truth in it here and there…then I realize maybe I am misleading people…because people love my energy…so I have not do anything after realize that…

if anything in my other company takes off, it would be the first company I let go. I did thank them for the lessons in a all levels…I feel cheated to witness how they attack the MLM, then send us to the associated website all related to MLM…with all kind rigid law…the most amazing thing is they praise their system…I told my people that we are our own boss, let the system works for us…not the other way arround…

what people are going to do with starseeds…I truly have a great time Dancing on the internet market place…it is like the buddisatva worrior….I put my awareness into the brain washed collective unconscious… 


I like to have Madanna’s song right after me as little girl having my dream come true later in my life

Great song of Madonna… I thought about some fractals and the visualization of this song turned into a beautiful Julia Set Fractal…

Ram told us that every 20 minutes, there are trillions timelines come to being…after knowing that I realize if I have been up-set over something more that 20 minutes…I am living my past and waisted all these potentials…some people might not like the quantumn field realities…because many people would like to have the past experiences as self-identities…

Club Bizarre lives in some fine point of where two neurons are saying “bin-bon” to each other…it is not something we have to join-in to have the permission to be free…it is someplace inside us that are free from the need of approval from another entity…or the social norm…it is a place that we and our inner God are annologically one and the same…it seems the trees and nature’s children are already in this wonderful club


God does not create the religions…

man create the religions…

and the religions create Gods…

these Gods fight against one another…

they were just as confused as their creators…

well I will not pray to them…

you know how many Christians killed the Arabians during the Inquisition in the name of God…

the blood never sleeps…

I know, anything mixed up with religion become confusion…

Religion and politics are twins… 

As a little girl, I realized that me and God were true friends…My parents taught in the Catholic church-sunday schools…By the way, in the east, the catholic are different than the west, almost like the Buddists in the west are different than the Buddist in the east…in the east, most traditional people are the buddist or some kind of local religions, but the free thinkers or the high intelligence are taking some west religions…the same with the west…the traditional ones would be the Christians, or the Catholics…but the curious seekers would study the Buddism or yoga…or something non-local…

When I was in the catholic church I knew that I would marry God because GOD CHOOSE ME …later in life I was very confused…for example when the dance company travelled to the west or south America…while other girls were happily dating foreighing boys..I was in bliss to stay with the nuns cleaning the kitchen floors…

Then I had to seek guidance from a catholic father about the choice – being a nun, or being a dancer..

he told me:”well, you will make all kinds of trouble in the monestry because you are too free, plus your dance is a gift from God, you would serve God better by being a good dancer than being a rebel nun…”

I thank him to this days…

later in life I become a yogini, also seeking God from all paths…the the most nature ways for me to communicate with God is to dance…when you dance, you make love with God…God is life, God is the breath, God is joy…God is sorrow…God is deep anger…God is forever truth and wisdom…God is everything in life that is somewhat different than what we learned from religions…to make black or white out of God is to shrink God into man’s petty perceptions…

no matter how free or how libral I thought I was…there was a part of me still waiting for the savior, and wanting to be the savior…without knowing that THIS IS AN OLD PARADIGMA FROM THE ORION..the whole game is simply waiting some power outsite us in some distant future, rather than owning something inside us, and living in the NOW.

I begin to realize how unconsciously we have been programmed…for example, as a brilliant artist, I was waiting some “savior” give me money to do my work, not realizing that I am my own savior, and I have the power to create wealth…

the same with the games/illusions with man and woman..or anyone with anyone…people are waiting to meet their better half, or ms./mr. WONDERFUL not realizing that we only meeting our own reflections…and we are only capable to meet what we can recognize from within…the rest is the unseen alien worlds…we have no way to perceive or de-coding…unless we go within to find the answers…

Savier concept is based on something wrong need to be saved…like Jesus died for your sin…according to the Andromedan, sin only means the genetic deformation…it simplt means that we, as a human specy— are not use our full intelligence..we are -(hard to admit)- actually very foolish… That is why Buddha said ALL SOURCE OF SIN IS FROM THE IGNORANCE…

it only takes someone with no judgement can say words like this…why this world use so much sugar-coated lies to protect people’s delicate illusions? those fragil personaliies are too fragil to hear something true?

…I think this is because people are afraid of BEING WRONG..BEING BAD…BEING EVIL…

evil is only the backspelling of L-I-V-E.  so- what people trully afraid of? to be punished by God??? which God are we speaking here…those warlord from outer space??? 

What I did in my mind was translating Live into Dutch: Leven
When put the other way around you get: Nevel
This means a haze, which is over the fields when it is morning and the soil is the coldest point where water condenses into clouds causing that haze.
The same is true for German: Leben
Put around this is: Nebel
This is the German word for haze..
In French Live = Vivre
Put around is : Erviv - Means nothing... in my opinion.


Like what Deepak Chopra said…”we then start to quest everything.”..including the basic ethic value…the social conditions…and beautiful lies…and bravely addimitted that we have participated in all these with neither guilt nor shame…then we could begin to say that we are on the path to the enlightment…

again, this is just another perception in the quantum field…

thank you, my friend, to inspire me and bring me to such a depth to discuss this subject with you.

we are all made of God’s love…the feeling of unworthiness is an old brain-washed program,…by realizing how Divine that we truly are…we already make a difference in the world. the world does not need Savior..the world need truth…sometimes brutal truth… We can replace the word survive into living…money is such an illussion…when I was in New York, there times that I have only one dollars in my pocket ( I told you this )…but in my mind I just kept seeing myself showered by divine abudance…some friend took me to the expensive restaurant did not realize what kind risk I put myself in…I am reading this great book, as soon as I finish, I will send to you. you see, people can steal your money, but no-one can steal your mind…that is how wealth you are. you are the master of your mind to change the realities….There are people who have more money than me, but they always says that they could not afford to go to every event in school…I just take each moment as it comes…and I am always blessed by the teachings… You are absolutely right – Everyone is creating his or her reality. Yesterday course was about: You see what you believe and you believe what you see..I just got back from Badminton. After that I walked a little into the woods to see this beautiful starry night with a little waxing gibbous moon… It was so beautiful to concentrate on the stars and the feel their energy coming down to me. They gave me enough energy to live on for a full week without eating… This evening I was counting the points with badminton and I felt I should learn you count in Dutch: 1 – een2 – twee3 – drie4 – vier5 – vijf6 – zes7 – zeven8 – acht9 – negen10 – tien11 – elf12 – twaalf13 – dertien14 – veertien15 – vijftien16 – zestien17 – zeventien18 – achttien19 – negentien20 – twintig Most beautiful: 11 Looking at the stars this evening felt so home – I felt the energy flow all over my body… I really felt better than sex.. I totally agree. the way modern people indulged in sex is totally un-wise and often unfulfilled. I never “do sex”, I make love…that already made people feel uneasy about my language…to be more honest and turn-off people even more is to tell people that you don’t even need a human body to make love to…you just need to breathe…and knowing that we are made of love…the starry sky are greater lover through-out the ages…so as the suns, moons, galexies…and the Mind of God… It is true – making love are the right words.. There is a great meditation linked from my website: the PEACE Breath…I am going to sleep right now because in 6 hours it will be start of day again.. 11.11 is elf point elf…I am in the library printing out the songs and the dutch words you sent me, in the mean time opening this one. we are truely on the same spaceship ( on earth, people says–we are on the same boat! )this is a great abundance just by sharing your inteligence…I have not back to the marketing since the retreat…I could not force myself to fake the energy…most energy I spend is to communicate with you…it is much beyond a friend to a friend…I have a feeling that sound crazy to the normal people…I feel as if our sharing has being broadcasted into the many radio, and TVs in the neiborhood gallexies as the consciousness traveling in the field… ( no, they don’t even travel, they just fold-in and fold out )…People in the library are shocked by the printed paged…the songs you send me -23 pages…the dutch lessons–87 pages…if you think you do not need to eat than you will create a healthy spirited human vircle…you can also open to the Mind of God knowing that miracles can happen at any moment and in any form….Ram always telling us that the masters can create things out of nothing, by seeing the table full while the uninitiate mind can only see with the physical and the table seems empty…He said that Jesus saw the sick as God’s precious children, rather than seeing them as the sick…this obey the law of the observer in the quantumn field…many people including us would see from the limited perceptions…of course that also get manifested….all thoughts get manifested…that is why it is important to master the thoughts through disciplines taught by the master teacher…I observer my thoughts often during the gardening…that is why part of me do not want tot put energy into the survival group conscious…while cleaning the plant…I see as the observer that I am cleaning out limitations in my beliefs and ideals…than loading and unloading the truck I am seeing myself already levitate…( I realize why those ancient monks would carry water from the mountain hill to the mountain top..all those trainings are about mind over matter…and we are much greater that our personalities and our bodies…)…Today I did an extra load of plants into the truck. the truck came at least twice. I was dancing the whole time. there is no weight in my body…actually the truck came at least twice, I was in bliss forget that my body “supose” to feel tired… Magi -my gardening teacher and “boss” laughed with me–let’s see how far yienan can get through this… You see this is the most fun part…you can see yourself as a powerful mover, and have all the strength you need to perform the super-man…you can also see yourself as the omni-particle, and so are all those plane…through pratice, you will know that you are experience different realities in each loading by what you see in your mind…I prefer seeing myself as the omni-particle than being a superman. 


Hate is such an interesting charactor. I used to “hate” certain things, like stupidity, hypocracy, vanity, superficiality, ugliness, war, “e-v-i-l”….then I realize that everything I have ever hated is to protect my ideals. ( -or, to protect my sense of perfection )…so that is a different kind religious fanatic ( how to spell this word right )…very often, when we passionate hate something, only found ourselves in later time to experience what we used to hate… I thought about the circle, when you are in opposite side of the circle, even you see things move to the opposite direction, actually they are moving in the same direction, just because something in the other side of the circle, that does not means that is the “enimy” of this side of the circle…

wow, I don’t know this make sense to you or not. anything fall into the duality has another chance to experience its own opposote. 

When you connect to the love/peace/harmony field - you will only encounter these love, peace & harmony. What you want to encounter; you will encounter. Actually you create your own reality.
When somebody shows the lack of love in fearing you this sentence (only to be thought works well): I bless you and know the holy spirit is also in you and will offer you peace and harmony
Of course...in the center of that fear is the perfect knowingness of all that can be disillusioned...


I forget where I read in the internet…

 that this is actually a star war…

you know that the USA goverment have been work with the Gray for more than 50 years,the secret goverment in this world is ruled by 13 families…There are underground cities from all kinds of ET groups…The ones care about the earth and the ones want to enslave the earth…However underneath the Iraq is the basement for the ET group from the Orion,Iraq has the advanced ET weapon. do you know that Hiltler was also supported by the ET group I believe that is for the pure blood of Aryan and to wipe out the other ET seeds in Jew. Hiltler thought he was on a holy mission…So are these guys

So in the surface this is the war between the USA and the Iraq, actually this is the war between the Orion and Gray… the 35 millions earth history I sent you yesterday might give you some insight…

there was a website LETTERS FROM ANDROMEDA revealed many documents from many goverments, and lectures given to the global science society etc…

that site is not availabe now..

my feeling is that site has been taken down by some political force…

people are awakening now…

all those TV report are so flat they can only talk about the things in the surface even if they know the truth from those secret document.

you can find more in the disclosure project…

this is not on the links I send you this morning…

I have too many of them…

when I find out the disclosure project I will send to you. the “MESSAGES FROM THE ANDROMEDA” I sent you this morning has some information about the bigger picture…

THE COSMIC AWARENESS speak clearly about this too. did I send you that one?

the symbol of the “coat” looks pretty ORION to me…

this is not a flat war..

this actually could be seen the confusions in the cellular memories…

however there is LIFE,LIFE IS… 

That I understand - Do you have any idea on when this spaceship will arrive to pick some of us up?


Ha Ha…I used to think like this too. there is really no savior outside us..as above so below…as within…so with-out…

do you dream about them? or in your meditation or focus time go inside of yourself begin to commune…in the beginning, it might feels like a kid talk to “God” like what we do when we were kids…slowly, simply allow…the dream-like visions will come. or before you go to sleep, tell your inner God-I shall remember my journey and my other dimensional realities…this is like Being in the Now…no expectation, and no judgement…go to the place inside us that feels HOME.

simple like a child. 

You are right, just checking - our savior is inside us, but our spirits can live on many other worlds simultanuously than we are living right now.



Talk about God? well this is another New York Style joke…

There was a catholic priest who was very devoted to God…to his shocking that he end-up  hell after his death…more schocking…is that he found the most terrible bus driver in town went to heaven.

feeling so unjusticed, the priest went to God-“Dear God, I think you made some mistake, why I, a devoted servant of yours now in hell, and that terrible bus driver is in heaven?

–because–God talk to him in an even tone–

My Dear, when you preached everyone went to sleep, but when he drove everyone prayed.

sometimes when I am on the computer, if strange things happen, I would like to imagine that is because my space-friends playing with me. 

Earthly beauty

This morning I had an insight about why some people would mistake people like us as naive. (Maybe not you, but definite me, many of my good friends had confessed that they thought I was naive ).

Naive is Child-like. Chldren are completely free - that is the reason why I can sometimes laugh at my 3.5 year old daughter Angelique: Her remarks are completely out of the blue and therefore lovely. This afternoon I was on the phone with my mother. My father was in the garden lying asleep. As soon as my mother awoke him to let him talk to Angelique, she asked “Did you wear pyjamas?”

Perhaps one of the perception is that so called the naiive-ness might just because not conditioned by the social norm. most time when people judge another to be naiive is because the other does not realize what is “really going on”…nobody really knows what is “really going on”…it all depend on the observers.

then I see in my mind eye, all those famous/infamous rivers running toward the ocean with the knowingness of no-return…as soon as they merged into the ocean, their identities desolved…is this also the journey of the ascension?

by the way, there was a time I did not drink any of the alchol either…life changes people’s reality. in school, when we have wine ceremony,  drinking wine become a sacred ceremony like what Jesus taught his disciples in the last supper…we do not drink wine to get “stupid”, we drink wine as the observer drink the sacred elixer as all ancient gods did…there is much more to this. I can only communicate this far–not to tell you to drink the wine, but to share a reality with you. 

I think you have described the journey of the ascension beautifully with your rivers-story. I think it has that resemblance very strongly.. 
Feel free to tell about the sacred drink - I don't feel obliged to drink it - : wine.
My reason for not-drinking alcohol is the assumingly the following: My parents used to drink some black-currant gin when I was a child and I simply hated to give them a kiss before going to bed when they drunk that. The alcohol percentage of this is around 20% and I simply didn't like the smell of alcohol by this..
I actually use the life-elixer from the wine: Winepit O.P.C. - It is in the pits of the grapes and it is a very strong anti-oxidant - the reason why people drinking mainly red wine can live long...
I  have put our book on the website again with the first pages in Blue (your writing) & Green (my writing)
Today is Queen's day in the Netherlands - a complete day of with a lot of partying... The queen visits 2 places in the Netherlands by then (today Deventer - where I lived for half a year to do the final study from my study of computer science.. - and Wijhe)


This evening on May 4th on 8.00 pm we had the remembrance of the fallen people in W.W. II. It was the first time I had very mixed feelings with this. It was the first time I could see through that not the Germans (with Hitler) were to blame... The Illuminati behind a lot of things are still trying to create trouble.. Although I should not polarize, but they want to get their W.W. III too... Take the Peace Breath from my website (see link) - maybe it will help.
Tomorrow it is our liberation day; may 5th - Once every 5 years it is a day off from working.. Tomorrow I have to go to my work..

 In southern Taiwan there is a city called Tainan…Tainan simply means the south of Taiwan. The Nickname for Taiwan is “The Red Hair Castle”…I was there when I was little…and this is the story that told for generations… The first time when the Dutch ship was seen from the shore…the native people were happily to meet the new friends from afar…like what the American Indian did to the immergrants of MayFlower…these native brought food, drinks, suplies for their new frineds…fasnating with their new friends’ red hair and stranse clothing…the native people asked if there were something that they can offer. The Red Hair said that they were tired and they need a place to rest. “How much space do you need?” “Oh, very small, as large as the size of the skin of one buffalo.” “really?” the natives were so curious about how their new frineds were going to all rest on one piece of the buffalo…excited to find out, those people quickly brought a piece of bufflo skin. can you see their gatherings in your mind’s eye? The Red Hair took the skin, cutting the skin into thin strips, made a long, long, long skin rope….and circle the space with this buffalo skin rope…and…a space was created…a space that was bigger enough to build a castle…and within that castle, all people from the ship can rest…no “outsiders allowed”… The Red Hair had ruled the southern Taiwan for quite a while…I forget was it in the 18 or 19 centry…there are people in Taiwan who has red hair… I always thought only Vikins had red hair…what is the gentic bloodline of the netherland people… from which star system? all people on earth were seeded by different star systems…I used to hace red hair in a different time. this is the famous story I wanted to tell you last time and got lost. welcome home!

I am going back to sleep more. Maybe one day I will travel to the Netherlands. I had a great friend from Netherland when I was in New York…she was a photographer…I was her model…her name was HanaKa…I love her but we lost contack by she back and forth between Netherland and New York, and I was too consummed in my career then. I thought of her and her spirit often.

you know me and Mark used to play a game in the New Year time in New York. we would pretend that we were two tourists come to New York for the New Year…and we would meet in the Musium or in the restaurants as if we just met…he loved to pretend that he was a composer from the Netherland…and I loved to pretend that I was a princess in desguise from the old Russia…we just played out those past-life fantacies…

Yeah!!! Belgium was where my grand parents got their Dr. degree in politics…there is an old universe I do not know how to spell in English but from the sound of Chinese it sound like Luwen, or Roo-wen?

We were in Gent and Oostende (this mondaymorning) and then we drove back to Arnhem. It took a pretty long time, but we had a lot of fun. The children were with my parents in our home in Arnhem - so they were OK too.

I would like to check up the map to know where is where. Your happiness is contegeous…( how to spell this word correct, it means high effect those who arround you ) There are so many space-ships clouds in my area…I know that there are space-ships around, the sky is getting more and more breathtaking these days.

We were in Gent the last few days. A very ancient city at where the Leie flows into the Schelde. It was very great and I could feel the energy from long ago, still flowing into the streets of cubble stone..

…so beautiful!

your words take my spirit right there.

Great - did you see all those churches? It was really great having been there. But our spirits are free to travel to the inside constellations of our molecules to the outer regions of our universe. Because of the similarity of the molecules and the sun/planet idea - I sometimes have the feeling that they are actually the same place.
I did this meditation of the emptiness (which is actually God or the universal intelligence) with the center of inner peace and I feel very comfortable with this. I must tell you that the feeling to look out of a love perspective to the world stops you feeding thoughts that must not be fed. Sometimes it is hard to love a man or woman who hates you, but in fact this hate comes from his inner fear and  it is a cry for help and love.


You are really something else. I love the power in your writings. yes, I can smell those churches…we are all in the Field…no matter how far away each entity is from another…even accross the universe…there is really no distance. time / space is only perception. About loving someone who hates you…I used to turn my other cheek to love those who hated me, because the church told us so…then I realize that is simply not knowing ourselves… We are made of love…we are love…that does not mean we are sweet to one another , or agree with one another…it simply means to allow …allow what people need to go through to own their wisdom….that including people’s perceptions about us. As a performer, I learn to not take people’s perceptions about me serious…when people love you…it is they love their perception about you…the same with people have problems with you…that is because they have problems with their perceptions about you…

You are right about the fear….. that “hate” is the outcrying to experience love… These are beautiful letters…no matter whether he read in person or not..the energy you put into the field is working beautifully at this special time. I communicate with these FAMOUS PEOPLE with my dance in my private space. There is no co-incident that we met on the internet … Through the market place. I communicate more with the invisible masters and Nobodies with my dance too.so beautiful to know the field is One–that we are One…everybody is doing what they come here to do… I am very suspicious about all these PR. BULL—  they never talk about the New World Order..and the New World Order is just another communism…there are so much that the public does not know… I am glad that we can write like this. Back to the Illuminati, I still do not want to condamn them as a group of entities.I prefer to see them made of individual soul. in oneness, what they did in the past is not too wonderfulbut it is also a co-created reality because most people did not want to take responsibilities…nobody isvictim unless people choose to be victimlized…I would like to hornnor each entitie in that group as a divine being experiencing their individual journey…. I think you are right – they are not to be condemned – they have their function in the whole matrix… This goes back to the ET’s expriments on the earth human …all the Royal family are merely the original blue-print bloodlines…Germane channelld through Lyssa Royal talked aboput this…those royal bloodlines ( which many of us are part of them in different incarnations ) and the priesthood/pristesshood were supose to teach people the truth and seving people nobly like those great Pharahs in the antiquity… Ram always ask us “who does the grail serve?” he told us the greatest “sacrifice” of this great work is to sacrify our self-importance. when people know God-within is in all people, who is going to follow whom? that is the commonly Divine way of the living truth. the downfall of Illuminati is that they realize many thing you and I know about –not everybody is ready to ascend–, in their realities, they realize not everybody is taking responsibility as the God-within…the rest of the stories is predicble. I will not be suprised if any of us chose those experiences as the Illuminati in a different timeline, perhaps we own the wisdom and come back the way we are. now you understand why I choose not to be politically correct from the public opinions…small mind always feel threatened by what they do not know, and they would stone the great mind to death as the righteous act to destroy the “evil”…the great mind never know death, they are just paved the way before their time…like the spring, the great mind love to see the small mind become greater…the great mind is not the victim of the small mind, but the path-finder. Do you know that the catholic church support the Nazi’s (do I spell this word right )…
I know – they thought Hitler was a sacret mission to save the world..
 When leaders fooling people they suppose to serve, and someone spoke the truth…ironically, many people would believe the leaders…many people today prefer to watch stupid TV than doing research and finding out the truth. as  the observer I would like to see this is changing.It is the way we observe – the way we are creating our own realities – yes. 

Do you find this connection fascinating?

what is sacred might be treat as the secret knowledge. what is secret is hidden, it could be sacred, or the opposit…then, back to the quantumn field, all opposit exist simutaneously. then, we have to ask ourselves- what is the “point”.

the point might just be the  consciousness frozen in time/space into the manifested realities…

every ideal is sacred to the one who conceive it, then it get experienced to reveal the totality that is beyond the one who conceive it…because when it get manifested, it is no more belong to the observer who conceived it…it belongs to all observers who experience it (and re-experience it with a different set of neuronets through experiences….), of course all of these ideals become “out of hand”.

does this make any sense. (When you think things like this, you are not going to make too much senses to those who thought you are beautiful.)

Have you seen the movie Artificial Intelligence by Steven Spielberg?

I did not see it when it was in the movie theater, but tonight is the most perfect timing for me to watch this film ( on the video ).everything is perfect and magic, my land-lady Stephany is not home, I watch the whole thing in an ultra-knowingness. the whole house is multi-dimensionally vivid….I am totally aware the presence around me. there is really no seperation.

this is one of the most brilliant movie that I have ever experienced…for me the artificial intelligence is not Mecha, but more likely the humans…in the quantumn field, what is artificial? what is real? is the invisible mind real or the biological expriment real? the word “real” says a lot about today’s human state of mind…

there are moments I was totally Home in happy tears….

what a master-piece!…this is such a truthful portrait of Mind of God…

Mind of God and Love are one and the same…

tears are so magic…you know those Zeta really want to have their emotions back. we are all wealthy people in their perceptions because we have the ability to cry and to feel…

Ram’s most recent teaching open-up my mind ever further.

I would never see the way I see it if I am still in my past.

…those humans in this film are more a portrait of the Annunaki…the Mechas are more like the human in the Summerian record…history often repeats itself. toward the end, those intelligent humannoid figure truely made me weeping in ecstacy…. they are more “real” ( for lack of a better word ) to me that most humans.

the more we know, the more we love; the more we love, the more we know….

=-=-= Song of our marriage (Anke/Tjarko)

This is so beautiful. is that a blessing to be able to experience this?

Yes – it is our experience – also we love the sea. We met on a high mountain. We were at 4026 meters above sealevel. The mountain is on a picture in my family book. – It is called the Allallinhorn – All All In – This magic mountain brought us together and ever since we are living happily together.

We climbed a few other mountains: Aiguille du Tour (3356 meters), Piz Morteratsch (3756 meters), Hexenkopf (2970 meters), <forgot name> – above Fizz in Austria.

This is so beautiful to feel so little in the mountains…

People in people’s lives are just wonderful. I totally understand these magic timelines. me and Stephan used to walk blocks after blocks in the New York City, with all the traffic and snow storms around, we were in the Garden of our starry home…people would stared at us as if they were seen something…I was married then, we both knew that we love each other deeply, and we both love Mark, and we both avoid the truth that we were in love…and we just walked and walked and walked, months after months…till the perfect timeline for us to break through.

I had four powerful journey with four of my soul brothers…two of them I did married to and I just did not know how to live an earthly life with the people I love. I had to fly away…two of them were just like me- they did not know how to live an earthly life either…. the love for us is not to stay together in this world, but to be with each other in a perfect timeline, and carry the forever love within us, knowing that we shall all meet again in a much free and loving world, where everybody can truely love everybody without human insecurity and possession…

my first husband was my first boyfriend, that says a lot. his family did not like the way I lived as a dancer…his human self was very hurt when I just vanished. all of these will be clearly seen when another part of him truely awakes. Mark was my second husband. we are still the best friend. enven though I call him my ex-husband, that is not the way he sees, because we are only seperated by agreement…he knows that marriage kills my spirit…he still sees that one day we shall back together…I also see that we might live very close by to each other, but I am nobody’s wife, nobody’s “woman” in nobody’s life…  ( he is still in New York ). I love him truely, deeply, not madly anymore…but that is perfect for our growth  I have to live and love totally free from this world…so small, that if I do not know how to set myself free I world be extremely sick…

it is so good to have Ram as my teacher. I would love to grow mature enough to love everybody the way he loves as an enlightened being…love is our natural state of being, when people try hard to make another feel happy and loved, that is not natural anymore…

When you would like to read some mails I sent to mr. Bush, being the president of the U.S. - you are welcome to read them:

Mail message on: 2002/12/12 – Christmas wish

Dear mr. President G.W. Bush,
I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy and peaceful new year.
How often do you have to celebrate Christmas to know its real meaning? God gave us his own son to suffer for us. On the day that he was born over 2000 years ago, it is now the day that we celebrate Christmas.
Jesus has always promised that he would be returning. The only thing you are ignoring is your structural search to start a war. You must understand that the highest Court is that of God. Whenever there is a terrorist or somebody else who seems to threaten your wealth, you are trying to play your own judge. Remember that God will punish those who are against civilization.
A merry Christmas & a peaceful 2003,
T.D. Holtjer

Mail message on: 2002/08/11 – Demanding to stop war.

Hello mr. President George W. Bush,
From my point of view it is far more better not to start a war against Iraq. It could even start World War III. The power we have is a lot higher than I ever suspected. The world cannot suffer another war, believe me. If we start a war, it will be hardly possible for a Messiah (if availiable right now; and I think he IS available but people are reluctant to know) to pick up the pieces.
You must know you are dealing with Spaceship Earth. We have a strictly balanced spaceship with everything on board, but you are fighting terrorists. They are seemingly invisible and there are sources on the internet (I cannot judge whether that is true or not) telling Bin Laden was trained by the CIA. Isn't that weird? It seems like: Scatter and rule... Fact is that Bin Laden was treated on an American Hospital on a kidney problem. When you would really have wanted to catch him, you could have done in February 2001. Isn't he providing for you an excuse to make or start a war?
Think of this Song - we do have it so damned good, the wealth is shining from our eyes:

A few mail messages sent to president Bush before attacking Afganistan.

Hello mr. President,
If two children are starting to fight as a good parent I tell my
daughter to walk away from it. The hit to the girl who wanted to attack
her is much greater than if she had to hit back. If you always tell to
hit back, it will result in the real injury or death of one of the two
children because they don't know their own power.
When countries or groups of people are building fight on fight and
terror on terror (in the eyes of the other it is terror also) then they
can blow the whole population of mankind away because people in effect
don't know their own power. Please think twice before ever striking
again because you are the strongest if you walk away and just rebuild
WTC with the best safety of planes:
Chips transplanted into the bodies of pilots can be the safety of any
plane: If the pilot is gone the automatic pilot will fly right back to
the airfield where the plane has just started. Another man or woman
can't fly the aircraft because he or she hasn't that chip coded. If the
chip doesn't recognize any heartbeat on the pilot the automatic pilot
will do just the same!
T.D. Holtjer
Hello mr. President,
Today, October 10th 2001, it has been 16 years that my grandfather died
on cancer. (The disease as I know now which can be treated very well if
you use natural substances) He fought for short period of time in World
War II and lost a friend in a battle on Schiphol. If he had died himself
I would never have existed.
But he hated war. He never told me anything about it and the two
sentences above are the only thing I know. The lesson he wanted to tell
me is that war is not more or less than a game, but a dangerous one. The
last game of chess I played with him in 1985 is frozen in time because
my grandfather died shortly after we started it. America, as the largest
democracy in the world, should know that we don't have to kill each
other in real but we can simulate it in every computer on earth.
There is only one difference between war and chess: If you just
checkmated a friend, he isn't really dead and you can play again with
him. After you killed somebody in a war (who is actually a brother) you
can't play war again. People who loved that somebody are angry and want
to play war again to the other side. It is a process that can't be
stopped unless there is one man or woman who tells us there is no need
to make war. Think of John Lennon who thought that way, but was
killed... I don't want to get killed anyway but we have to listen to
each others wishes and fulfill them time after time, then the world can
become a lot better place to live for any human being. We can't stay
rich and the others poor. If there is a war going on without oil
involved, America is not interested! (Rwanda, 1994 - 1 million casualties)
But everyone knows we all want a good life. And a good life is possible
for anyone on earth. And if we want to survive into the future we have
to colonize Mars and our own faithful moon. Think of 1969; first landing
on the moon; Why aren't we there already??
Greetings again,
T.D. Holtjer
Let the Palestenians know that every weapon won't be used any more so
you don't have to discuss an army; they will be the first country with
an army without weapons. There will be armies without weapons. There are
only there to fight disasters caused by nature and to help Deserts
irrigate and help the people to grow their own (not Gen-manipulated) food.
T.D. Holtjer
Hello mr. President,
I don't think Bin Laden will ever be able to run the Marathon of New
York because his kidney-disease won't allow him to do so. I hope the
terrorist will allow the runners to run without complications. The
saddest thing on Mr. Bin Laden is that he is using a whole people's
religion to make war while millions of people believing in Allah do not
want any Ji-Had or something like that. The reason: they have learned to
live in another country where they also have learned that other people
to think else than they do still not wanting to fight them. We can't
tell our version is right because we still fight with the same means in
Afghanistan than terrorists did on September 11th. Although the chance
on a terrorist attack has lowered since September 11th. we can't say we
have everything under our control. (Think of Anthrax; where do they come
from?) It's better to have everything under control in your own country
than to fight in another one. Please think of stopping at least during
Ramadan... Perhaps 4-ever because you won't find Bin Laden; it's less
than a needle in a hay-stack. Just lower his influence by giving the
poor people in the world what they want: to eat & a roof above their
heads. You can tell, if you like that a Messiah has returned who sees no
difference between Jesus and Mohammed...
Wise is he who collects the wisdom of others...
T.D. Holtjer
Hello mr. President,
It seems like that progress is made in Afganistan but let us not forget
one thing: There are two groups not heard: Taliban & Al-Quada. That are
the real opponents of our free world. There is no possibility of killing
them all so splitter groups will remain if OSB is ever caught by the
Americans. Perhaps if you ever catch OSB consider a part of Afganistan
to be occupied by the Taliban because they are 40% of the population of
Afganistan (Of course after the people responsible for the dictatorship
are being put to justice...) You can't wipe them of the map. But never
let them home terrorists again...
T.D. Holtjer
Arnhem, The Netherlands
Hello mr. President,
Although it seems we live in a free side of the world, there are people
who try to fight that freedom. And those who fight against freedom are
sometimes seen as Mohammed/Jesus/Boeddha-like persons on their
religion-side. Everyone knows of the return of Jesus/Mohammed/Boeddha as
a part of one's religion. No one has perhaps thought of the fact that if
that somebody returns he should be at no one's side just trying to bring
all te people of the world together regardless of what he or she is
thinking for his or her religion.
As science grows no scientific proof has been given of the existing of
"God"/"Allah". No one has perhaps realized that all he or she is seeing
right now known as "nature" can be divine. Think of Berlinda Carisle's
"Heaven is a place on earth" and you know what I mean.
As for earth we have only two choices: "We keep fighting like little
children and will destroy the civilization as far as it got." or "We
stop fighting and try to bring every single creature to each other."
Hello again,
As I predicted before the attacks on Afganistan the problem has been
scattered. You can't really tell where the anthrax is comming from.
Whether it's Iraq or Afganistan. As far as I could investigate:
Afganistan has two factories for making vaccinations against Anthrax and
other diseases. The same technique can be used for making harmful
viruses and bacteries. They at least can be produced in Afganistan but
also be bought from Iraq, the country which can use every dollar because
of the sanctions which are still in use now...
Where Taliban is poisoning the food distributed by US showing that
people will be poisoned from American Food perhaps it's better to
distribute food with U.N. on it; the organisation which can't go into
Afganistan while the war is still going on. Iran & Pakistan have to open
their borders for refugees so the U.N. can help or war has to be stopped
as soon as possible (only special command units to cut of electricity,
water and oil towards harmful factories. Don't BOMB that factories
because of the poisoning of the area with bacteries which can live by
over 1000 degrees celcius!) so that U.N. can distribute Food. Think of
irrigating parts of Afganistan so that food can be grown in the country
itself. (NOVIB methods)
T.D. Holtjer
Arnhem, The Netherlands
Hello mr. President,
Tell the Americans and the other people in the world that the chance to
get involved in a traffic-incident is a million times bigger than
getting contaminated with Anthrax. If you planned to fly away for a
vacation just fly away. Don't let any terrorist bother you! If you
planned to buy a TV-set. Just do so. The terrorists won't come to take
it away. So you can think of a million examples. If something happens
you have time enough to think about it. Don't let the press with
Anthrax-stories frighten your mind! Just do what you normally should or
would do!
Stay positive of mind!
T.D. Holtjer
Hello mr. President,
In the Netherlands Loesje said: "Imagine there is a war. But no
journalist is going there."
Then nobody knew what we were fighting against & for. But the essence is
right: If you don't publish about Anthrax we don't get any panic.
Everybody can read and see now how bad it is... E.g. We don't publish
anything about the AIDS virus and anyone knows how to avoid AIDS.
This is exactly the scenario that the terrorists want to spread. But the
effect of any publication is that insane people are sending powders to
any company in the world. The companies must react adequately and then
it isn't any Anthrax. Be so kind and do not publish anything about
people getting the disease. Just threat them so that we can concentrate
on the thing it all started for.
Think of stopping the war it's less than a needle in a haystack.
T.D. Holtjer
Hello mr. President,
We have to put pressure on Israel. They accuse Arafat of today's killing
of a minister.
That is not true. People who kill that way are terrorists just like Bin
Laden. The same way we cannot control the World for not housing any
terrorists so Arafat can't do so for Palestina.
Arafat can't be compared to any terrorist. If the world wants peace and
I think the world wants to the first step is to create Palestina and
Israel as separate states without any army!
Greetings,. T.D. Holtjer
(America can't intervene in the Isrealean conflict with the Palestineans right now because Afganistan is still not ended!!! - 2002/03/06)
I never got any reply back except the Autoresponder of the whitehouse. 
The last Gulf war I had to do something, so wrote a very bold letter to
Saddam Hussain telling him:
'Just resign your troups - yours faithfully Mohammed'
A few weeks later I heard about Saddam Hussain getting a dream in which
Mohammed appeared and told him his weapons were putting into the wrong
I must say that the views from the inner peace in myself are a lot
better than to involve in things from which you only have the narrow
point of view.
There is nobody who should or can judge about what is good or bad....


See on the below webpages to see what is actually beautiful: the solar wind touching our earth's atmosphere....


This evening I was playing badminton - Maybe you can smell my sweath a little. Before I go to bed I have to put down my adrenalin-levels a little bit otherwise I cannot fall asleep.
Badminton is great - when you have a thought at the moment you want to hit the shuttle - then you will miss it. You have to be totally concentrated on the game and that is why it is very good to stop thinking.
Other trick to stop thinking is quite simple (I am not sure whether I already told you) - Think of a cat waiting for a mouse to come out of the gap in the wall. Now go into yourself and think: "I am the cat" - your thoughts are away then...


Yes, I am the cat…I always feel thay one of my multi-demensional self is an ET-CAT….I am very connect to the cat-cult ( or cat-deity ) in the human history on this planet….I also find out IF I AM AWARE THAT I AM THIS MOMENT, THIS MOMENT IS ME, WE ARE ONE, THEN THERE IS NO MONKEY MIND ONLY  THIS MOMENT. 

what is Badminton?

Badminton can be played with 2 or 4 players. You have a racket and you play a shuttle from one side to the other side on the net.
It is really fun - Mostly chinese people are particularly good in playing badminton...

On my way back home from the Olympia, my friend Ann wanted to celebrate her birthday by having a drink in a local Maxican restaurant. usually, I would not be able to put so much time sitting in a Saturday crowd…for whatever reason I felt ok to make a “sacrifice” for her birthday…soon after we sit down, this energy entering the room-as if meeting an old friend, I waved to him-it was Lawrance Gardener…he was again an guest speaker for the primary retreat in school ( that is a different group than the group I am in ). there are so many empty seats, he  and his friend pick the one just behind us…so we are sit back to back…the field around us begin to resonate in a blissful frequency. Ann asked me many time what were they talking about…I told her that I was not in my 5 senses…as if our other selves begin to exchange datas, my spine felt extremely happy and I see the golden field in my mind.. In my mind I greeted him, he was in his priest/king/scholar self…I was my priestess/ temple dancer self, as if he was either my father or my teacher in that time ( actually many times )….all the particles are happily dancing in the field…when he got up to leave, I sent him my blessing from his back, suddenly he turned around, smiling like a happy boy. that was precious. 

Magnets & Miracles

You told me that you feared the magnets from Nikken, but they have a
device right now that is offering a 3 dimensional 'Gray' magnetic
field. The speed in which the field is changing N-Z-N-Z is
regulatable... Feels very right... 

yes, I shall study more tomorrow. we have the disciplines about the field…that is what made me cautious…not about the magnets ..but about my disciplines…I do not even wear earings and any thing that shall influence the field while doing disciplines…it would be fun to also create the abudance with you…the trust between us are amazing.

I got so excited from the Magnets-program of Nikken, that I decided to put my energy in this company… It is really great to see how the really reward you for the things you are doing… On the first meeting I could already give a product-suggestion to the marketing manager of Nikken – so, it will be great. I would be very pleased if you would join me in that company…

Their products really sell themselves and although I know that not everyone would be as enthousiastic as I am – there is really a market-place for their excellent products.

I feel allright with Nikken. as soon as I study I might sign up under you. you are fun to work with.

Today it is 05/11/2003
May Elf, T(w)o 00 T(h)ree
- Day of creation oo is infinity (8) - May Elf To Infinite Tree?
Yes!!!!!  the elf is happy in the elf's day. I am going to mount Rainer today...my friend Katrin from German is taking me to have the adventure...have not create my day yet...will soon before she showed...finally I slept for an eternity, travelling to my great wildness...having dreams about those ones are in danger, waking up knowing what can I do ...love bound all of us as one...meow meow... Do you see your Mom today...bless you parents who give borth to such an amazing being...
I did not visit my mother today - I had her on the phone this evening and my sister brought her a little tree from us. - We were there last week; as you know. We try to honour our mother every day - not only on mother's day - that is our way of living...
Maybe I am amazing - a little bit of craziness always comes around when being amazing - but the craziness is always attached as a judgement by others - thank you for your compliment...
Have a nice day at mount Rainer..
Elves and human are great frinds since the ancient time. elves were the gardience, did you watch the movie Lord of the Rong?
Mount Rainer is magnificent. this is the second time I am there. we did our discipline in the deep fogs, all realities breathe as one, moving in and out like those clouds changing shapes. trees and waterfalls are great observers witness the comes and goes of mankind...intelligence is intelligence, no matter what form it takes.
My friend Katrin loves our book. I read to her on our way there. she is also a writer. she listened the pages with her elfish pointy ears...I know her intelligence is turned on... this is going to be a very beautiful book.
When we speak about Twelve we say 'TWELF' - also Elf in it. I know you are still in your Elf-day, but I am already in my TWELF day.. (Dutch: Twaalf)
I believe I didn't tell you the Dutch word for ZERO: NUL
In my boldness, I would tell you that the ice is a very high frequency. we have many retreat get up early while the sky is still dark, sitting in the snow for the discipline...Chinese way to discribe the goddess Kun-yin is that she is transparent like the fine jade, and pure like the ice...I can be extremely icy, yet my love never fail...
I know that is 'wrong' in the song - but It is a lovely song... Ice Ice, my dear... Solid water may have the highest frequency reachable for water...
When using extra Vitamin C we should know that in Winter we should be reducing the amount of vitamin C taken... This has an important reason along Chinese wisdom.. Vitamin C will flow the the germs out of the organs, towards the skin. When it is winter, they should be defeated in the organs (cities) because the stream is going towards the cities in Winter. This maybe the reason that a common cold cannot be defeated when using high doses of vitamin C in winter - my experience this last winter... It seems strange but to defeat that, one should stop using it for a while.
you know that I did not take medicine or any pill before, coral calcicum might be the first pill I am taking.... the reason I did not take any of these is that I want to use my mind...though I realize that the pill can help...as s child I was so sick that I had to take all kind of medicine, it feels good that I do not need them now. to answer you question, I would say "sound good". again in the quantumn realities, the observer can make a piece of chocolate the most power medicine. there are beauty in the Chinese medicine...like all wonderful things, there are also dogmas and superstious ( taboo ) in these wonderful things...the rebel in me would just love to find out all kind of truth behind all kind of no-no-s.
So glad that you got the package. I know that I am a beautiful dancer and my messages are exquist. every moment in life is a dance, I am dancing while loading and unloading the trucks. there is no truck today, I miss it. Magi told me that the truck shall come in the afternoon---do you want to stay?  she asked me...
-no, I want to write. You know the power of the observer. I am so happy for Chantal. as parents, you both might want to see her happy and healthy, taking care of whatever need to be take care of , but do not put the vibration of worry on her, hope you do not mind I say this. communicate with her God-Self when you are meditate. I know that you must already doing this on an intuitive level. in oneness, many magic have happen. life suppose to be magical.
By driving back from the magnet's presentation of Nikken I used the air-conditioning of our car for a short while... It inflamed my left eye... But still going strong..
About the vibration of worry: I am glad my wife did receive this good message because she is now relieved and not so worried anymore... She still thinks this is the best way to handle things: Now things turn out to be better than expected it gives her a kind of kick... I was the only in the family putting the positive vibrations onto Chantal - but some friends got meditating for her as well - like my friend Annemiek from the center for inner peace...
My intuition is already communicating with Chantal at higher levels - I can really feel when she needs to be taken care of. Yesterday in the early morning at 5.00 am she was crying and I was already sitting on our toilet hearing that. I gave her some milk... Only little examples, but she likes me to be dancing (bouncing with my head) - she always smiles; also when I am not dancing.
Last saturday we got no one to take care of Angelique so she went with us to the Dancing-class. She liked to see us both dance and didn't look at the books she took with her...
I send you lots of ultra-blue webs for your left eye...you know what to do. eyes are connect to the sight. if my eyes got irriated, I would ask myself --do I really see things with my full capacity, or do I only see things from my emotional self....actually my right eye was irritated during the last retreat...I told myself that I can handle anything and healed it with the blue-body healing with few hours...
By the way, does your email receiving the up-date I sent you with the bold and underlined correction? that was the way I sent you, I did not see that in your reply...let me know what is the best way for you to clearly see the corrections.
Have a great day. I am leaving my body...more magic to you.
Actually my eye got a little better by now.. I used some colloidal silver this morning and dropped this into the eye.. Now I am sure your ultra-blue webs are being received... You are so kind, my dear!
You see I do not perceive this as kind...I am only doing this to myself because WE ARE ONE.
My eyes were so deeply red by this afternoon that I really loved them.
In my memory that rabbit suppose to have the red eyes... that was what I learn from the children books...here I only see the rabits with brown eyes.I have never seen a real rabit with the red eyes, perhaps the children books had mis-informed the little readers. how is your eyes now? can you see with your mind's eye that the old cells are leaving and new cells are born. perhaps you can ask your inner God what you truely need to see but feeling irratated to see?
I once had a rabbit whose name was Goofy - it was white and had red eyes.
I like Goofy. it is good to know that you do have a rabbit with red eyes even though I could not see it on the photos. there are so many goats, sheeps ans alpakas ( I do not know how to spell it. they look like the baby Lahmas with long necks ). I am dreaming about havinga farm of sheeps, goats, and alpakas...I could not deal with hourse yet, even though I would love to learn how to be a good rider on hourses...no cow no pig...sheeps are great....SO BE IT!  I told you before that I would like to have a school for all children in all ages...the farm should be part of the school...so the artists and the farmers can learn from one another. children need to have a lot of contact with animals, plants, and our star-siblings....there are many racoons come to my magic garden, some deer, many birds...and a grand-pa rabbit jumping fast enough to not let me see his eye-colors...
talk to you later. I got a ride from Ted to the Library today...
It is so wonderful to read the White book - I have taken it to my job's place to accidentally read a piece, but it is such a high frequency... This evening I will give my wife a magnetic massage to let her know the beauty of it. I will ask the man who will assist me to tell me how to start an American Downline (with you) - if you would want me to do so.
That will be great. our frequency together can be very powerful. I have more information to send you after the gardening. writing to you remind me so many beautiful forever moment before I entered this world. as a child, me and my brothers would telling one another what we know and what we see...
Kids are powerful observers. our writings are like those star-kids sitting on the door step, or lying on the big tree branches on high---telling each other the most precious insights. the things in this world is that if you maintain this kind knowingness and not buying into the "collective trance" you would be judged as not growing -up...as if people have to close their hearts or tunning down their intelligence in order to be accepted as grown-ups...
after meeting you and writing book together, I wonder why I do not want to read those marketing letters any more...that is a part of me trying to be a grown-up.... what is the standard for a grown-up anyway?
An elf can live forever without being a grown-up. Will talk to you later. I know that you will truely love the white book. my joy is beyond measure...
What I want to tell you about the magnets: it was so great to see my daughter (who was with my when I got the massage) just got herself laid down on the bed with magnets that the man had with him. She really liked the magnets. That was for me one reason to start with Nikken. My precious child likes it... Just like animals always lay themselves down on the magnets..
Do they have other things than the magnets? I might not be able to try the magnet because the way I conduct my energy field...I remeember that I saw something else on the website...do I need to make phone-call to do this business? I prefer only use ther internet. one of the reason I want to quit the 28 day wealth is that I do not see myself committed to any phone-call. it feels right to work with you no matter which company it is. how long have you be doing this? me-less than 3 month and only part of the part time
My wife enjoyed the massage with magnets as well. She liked it too..
What I can do is giving a massage with their demo-package and this is the same as sleeping on their beds for one night... Point is that we live in concrete buildings kept away from the earth's magnetic field that is also declined to with 50% in the last 500 years... So being a human being it will be OK to use magnets to feel healthy.
This evening I was playing with Angelique on the place below our apartment complex. I took the white book with me and put it on a bank because Anglelique wanted to play football with me. She uses to cycle around a little bit normally, so I took with me something to read... From the grass playing football I saw Ramtha playing with his own book. The wind blew the pages open so the sun could read what was written there...
Later on I put the book back home and did some work in the garden. My neighbour is expecting her baby halfway August, so I took over a little bit of her work - lovely to keep the place beautiful...
What that page says--when the wind blow the pages? so happy that you work in the garden. Ram told us that the gardener holds ther key to the mystery of life. I am only work 4 morning this week, I asked Magi if it might be possible for me to work on friday as well without pay...she laughed so hard---ha ha, yuo can get pay by the plants on friday...yes...I got lots of plants as the payment last year...the thing is that the money was already spent, but the plants I got made themselves a magic garden with fairy tea-rooms...I am going to build a fairy-theater as well...this excites me so much
The wind just wanted to know about which book was there... It feels right to be in the garden. Everyone coming along is talking to you and that makes me feel very well.
Light Review
Yes. those who know always start from knowing oneselves. light review is when each incarnation is complete, that the part of us that is eternal will viewing our lives in the light of eternal knowingness. we have to face thosse moments that we are not true to our inner God, or those moment that we made evolution to honour our Self...it is not like the religions judgement-day, bcause we are the only one that ever judged ourselves...in school, Ram often let us have light reviews while we are still in this incarnation, and we can do something about it to change the timelines...I love to do the light review, actually I  did my whole life even before I met Ram...as if I can shift into a differnt timeline to take a look and come back to this incarnation in no time. perhaps this is also the reason that I am always respect my own decision without trying to be understood by others.
I am in a different community. Yelm is a small town out of no-where, it is not New York or any other place that I have ever lived...Ram pick up this place for the school is very much like all the other schools of ancient wisdom through out the civilizations on this planet...found in no-where...he said he is the one developed all the schools of ancient wisdom. do you know that he is one of those who taught Jesus the Christ...
it is not easy to sell in person. for me, as an artist, I am always give things away because that make me happy--the good things of doing business on the internet is that I will not give things away because I do not need meet people's eyes...as soon as I meet people's eyes I just want to give them whatever I can give-not too clever--hummmm 
the website does not talk too much about the internet marketing, maybe them already have the real professional people doing the marketing. if you have more information please let me know.
I am running to the garden now..
This is one of the most beautiful song...do you know that my last name is Song?
Scorpions can be great healers because they know the dark journey...the Phonex raise from the ashes...and the return of the forever union...
someone told me that these are 3 highly charged subjects on this planet---
MONEY, GOD, SEX...ha ha...may be we will have a chapter just for this...this are the scorpion part of myself shinning out...all about alchemy.. 
Phonex is the most evolved stage of the Scorpions. my birth ( from my mom ) sun-sigh was Libra, but I had Scorpio on three powerful planets...perhaps in the days to come, we will have a sign of the Phonex. it is all about the transformation and alchemy...
The Matrix
The first time I saw it, I was so disturbed by those black clothings and all kind of tubes with vilence, even though it was a good movie. the other night I saw it on vedio, realizing many things I read from Davic Ick...did you know his website, you have to take either the blue pill or the red pill to enter. do you like the part when he was asked whether he was the one or not? if that kid could bend the spoon because that is not the spoon he was bending, that we are changing the world because it is not the world we are changing...and we are wealthy because it is not the money we are making.....these days when the "heat" calm down from the opening, I shall watch the second one. it seems the first one was dealing with the grey...the second one might be dealing with the raptelians...
The matrix is also controlling the songs played from my computer..
Your computor surely have some emotional taste
Yes, she is controlled by myself... and I love her. She is Apple!
I think there are softwares that you can download the information. Ram does not encourage us put too much ebergy into it because there are many stars that we do not know...there are so many planes and demensions...idf we think certain star will influence us certain way than we are create it by accept the beliefs...I do love the Astorlogy ever since I was a little kid...there were "back area" in those book stores...those area were selling the books about "witch crafts"...Astrology and matephysics and any theories that was not accepted by the main-streams belong to this area.. I would always pretending that I was reading something else, when nobody was around, I would run like a ghost, suddenly surounding myself with all those wonderful frequencies....
I could not understand the numbers you send me about every sign, your arising sign is taurus, the heavenly bull, I could not figure out your moon...once I read from some book that the moon-sign is what you already over-come, the sun-sign is what your soul want to accomplish-become, and the arising sign is the personality...the sun is the spirit quest, the moon is the soul lessons...wala wala....I think all of this is not about the information out there, but how we take them in our hearts...
according my first birth sign I belong to the world stage, always framed and highlighted by influential people...my latest entry shows that I have the most unique mind for the adventures...what is more fun than the process of ascenssion?
I think RAM is right about Astrology, because quantum mechanics imply unsure things... Is light a particle or a wave? Quantum mechanics tells us it can be all together at once... It is like God playing dice with the universe...
I am not laying much attention to it, because attention is something than can draw the magic away. We might have been co-writing books in a lot of other timelines and it feels like I know you throughout lives - the way we can frankly tell each other what we think....
You are absolutely RIGHT!!! I feel so comfortable to tell you everything. this is such a gift you give to me. so much trust and love and mutual respect...plus inspirations...I have to say that we create this. your photos took my breath away. fire from the heavens like living records for all to see.
Once in the wine ceremony Ram wanted us tell our neibor about how many lovers that we had ever slept with. ( now you have a little taste about Ramtha's fire...we are living with the Divine fire, it burnrd away our illusions and ignorance...it purifies the golden essence within us all. Ram reflect to us our quest for the divine fire burning brilliantly from within... ) I was with another 3 powerful women ( that was unusal. most time we were one to one as neibor/partner )...everybody were seriously counting...I was very relexed because there was not that many to count. one of them have the number 8, the other 14...one was not saying anything...they asked me "girl, it is your turn." I said --4. they laughingly saying--you have a lot to catch up!
no no , I thought to myself, I only need 4 to get my PHD degree,because 4 times were fire from the heavens...4 times I died and rebithed myself from the ashes...4 times my heart was shattered because it was too delicate, too small, not enough room for the whole humanity, 4 times I realized that I was not the ideal-me that I prefer to believe...4 times I was deeply loved yet deeply wounded--by whom? by what???
---by me and by my fragil ideals about the perfection...heart -broken is a wonderful gift from our inner God. wherever you look, there is a piece of your heart out there in the world...suddenly we understand many things that we would never understand if we are still in our recycled dramas of self-importance.
why I need more flame when the alchemy process already completed. when you are gold why you need the ashes dancing in the fire? in stead speak the truth, I just smiled...this is where the rebel comes in ...love is love. all is love. it is too simple to be understood. Buddha understood this. Jesus understood this too. do you know the his wife was Mary Magdelen? you know when I was a Catholic girl, I always thought that me and Mary Magdelen were the same spirit...when you know you are a Goddess you don't need to be a "lady....ha ha...
Bitches & Witches
There are certain words that are high-charged for the female incarnations ...these words are - Bitch, Witch, Serpent, Dragon-lady, Heart-breaker, Whore, Harlot, Prostitude... many female incarnations are too frighten to fully own their essence and power. the moment they say " I am not like that.....", the moment you know that there is some denial and confussion...because those words already existed in the thoughts. we can free ourselves from these unconscious taboos by doing some simple research:
-Witch means wise woman in the old days...the crone is the  feared and hated in the patriarchal societies. it was highly revered in the Ancient Goddess societies...witch simply means that someone has the power to create something out of the collective limitation.  there were many healers burnt as witches during the " un-holy war " because they were practicing something that threathened the
" Holy Mother Church "... based on the trinty of Father / Son / holy Ghost, there was no Mother mentioned. the only sacred woman was Jesus' mom Mary, who never had sex with a man, and the Holy Mother who is pure without sex made all the rest mothers whores and their off-springs basters...
-Bitch means a female dog who is very defensive for her teritorry and her loved ones...she can have the spirit of an Alpha wolf that leads  and defends her clan faithfully. who never belong to any male  but accompanied by many powerful ones. this threatens the Patriarchal view of the paper-doll's images. the ideal- woman in this box is silent and pretty, a good sex slave, a good house keeper,  a good listener, a good caretaker...any brilliant and liberated female will destry any faulsehood todiscover her living truth. 
...this kind of integrity and strength also made people uncomfortable ( from both  genders ). I had many brilliant female friends in New York... often joking about a club that only Bitches were allowed...if you are a leader in a female " costume "--very likely, people would call you a bitch behind yuor back...when you call yourself this word- you own your truth and non-of those insignificent opinions would matter. yes, you will make people even more mad before they face their reflections..the same with Dragon-Lady...and other titles...
...people talk about the female Libration today, actually patriarchal societies were the results of male libration long time ago. both Patriarchal and Matriarchal societies create many faulse ethic values. both mis-used of Power of leadership...no, we don't want to swing back to the matrichal, we want true libration for the whole.
priestesses were great lovers in the Goddess society. they had the knowledge of Healing, Far-sight, Dance, Arts, Poetry...all those powerful kings wanted the  blessings from the Goddess-embodyment...Mary Magdalen was one, Jesus's Mother was one..his Mother's Mother Anna was one...King Arthur's Lady...and the countless others. have you heard about the sacred Harlot? In my country, they call Prostitude " the God-Lady "...can you see the connection here?
why Serpent was revered in Egypt but hated in the later Christianity?  the Ancient Egyptians were seeded by the Sirian star System, and their symbol was the serpent...later the serpent became a sign of evil from another civilization that was seeded by the opponent of the Sirians..Dragon was revered in certain culture and hated in another...why there are so much prejudice among different races? why some symbol sacred in one era and evil in another? wake up, Human baby! the knowledge is inside you. not on the TV, not from your president, but YOU.
we can seperate the gene from neither the Annunaki nor Zeta...nor Pleadian...nor Andromedan...what are we going to do with these Taboos ? 
Witches and Bitches have a lot of stories to tell. to make our lives easier, it might be a good idea to have the ears hearing what they have to say

Mathematically spoken…



As you can see this is how basically the frequencies can be put together. So every periodically signal can be written as the sum of sine functions; this is how Fourrier could form his theories..


I will try to explain something about fractal dimensions. They are needed to e.g. compute the length of the coastline of England. In principle the length of the coastline is not defined because the closer you look the more 'length' you see. What they have tried is to compute it and they used Fractal dimensions.
For some objects it is obvious what dimension is needed. A line needs one dimension. A square needs 2 dimension. A cube needs 3 dimensions.
Looking at this we can tell that a line is a very similar object. It can be divided into n = n ^ 1 (^ is to the power of) pieces from which every is 1/ n (1 divided by n) as large as the original line, while every piece after enlargement with factor n is exactly the same line with which we started.
When we make pieces from the square, we need n ^ 2 from these pieces to make up the whole square. For the cube n ^ 3 pieces are needed.
I will now scan the strainer of Sierpinsky for you and will try to explain why its dimension is log 3 / log 2 = 1.584962500721156....
See the pictures and imagine that you can iterate this process of getting smaller triangles over and over again..
Dimension D can be defined as log (pieces) / log (magnification)
For a line you get: log (n ^ 1) / log (n) = 1
For a square you get: log (n ^ 2) / log (n) = 2 log n / log n = 2
For a cube you get: log (n ^ 3) / log (n) = 3 log n / log n = 3
My adding: The story can go up to 12 or more:
For a 4 dimensional figure you get: log (n ^ 4 ) / log (n) = 4 log n / 
log n = 4
Now look at the Sierpinsky figure. When you look at the triangle left below and we will multiply that with a factor 2, you will get the whole object again. (Only one line has to be multiplied by 2) - There are 3 idientical pieces, left below, right below and above (3 pieces)
D = Log (amount of pieces) / Log (magnification) = Log 3 / Log 2 = 1.584962500721156....
You can also have the Sierpinski figure like the second one.. See the sierpinski triangle (little) left below. You can amplify with 4 to get 9 triangles (just count them!)
D = Log (amount of pieces) / Log (magnification) = Log 9 / Log 4 = Log 3^2 / Log 2^2 = 2 Log 3 / 2 Log 2 = Log 3 / Log 2
This is the proof of the fact that the dimension stays the same equal with how fine you draw your Sierpinski Figure..
This is one example of the fractal Dimension..